Posts Tagged ‘theft’
Identity Thief Strikes God. “Takes one to know one,” says thief.
January 27th, 2016 | 
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The Lord thinks of everything, but if he only remembered to add more brimstone to his firewall, he wouldn’t have had his identity stolen.
Identity theft, long thought to have victimized only earthlings with good credit scores, has smote The Almighty. Believers began to have suspicions when so many of their prayers went unanswered. Atheists seemed to be unaffected by the theft. After burning around the bush, our Lord announced today (through a spokesman as usual) that for a brief period of time his identity had been stolen. His oracle went on to remind his minions that, “His Eminence is not responsible for any karmic debts entered into by his impersonator during the period of the usurpation.” Equifax immediately downgraded the Lord’s credit rating from Immaculate to Cash Only; stating, “While we recognize God is too big to fail, we believe that until his true identity is confirmed creditors should not accept any more of his Covenants because right now we don’t know him from Adam.”
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Professor Steals God’s Identity. Claims, “Takes one to know one.”
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Who’s creating whom?
Identity theft, long thought to have victimized only earthlings with good credit scores, has smote our dear Lord. The Lord tweeted to his followers (which is everyone, except atheists) that he regrets any inconvenience to his children, but that he’s not responsible for the karmic debts rung up by his impostor. The credit firm Equifax immediately downgraded the Lord’s credit rating to Cash Only stating, “We recognize that our Creator is probably too big to fail, however, until his true identity is sorted out, it would be advisable for anyone doing business with the Almighty to do so on a Cash Only basis because right now, we don’t know him from Adam. His credit rating will be restored when Chuck Norris OKs it. Our exasperated Lord was heard muttering, “I may be able to move Heaven and Earth, but try getting your credit score upgraded – that takes an act of Norris.”
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