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Plane Boarding Hierarchies

David Hardiman — Tue, 19 May 2026 17:08:03 +0000

Boarding airplanes has become as challenging as finding a parking spot at Costco at Christmas time. Each airline has their own boarding hierarchy based on the clientele they serve. I’ve taken the time to recreate their boarding order so you can be prepared. American Airlines. They’re family oriented and board in this order: Parents with […]

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Early NASA Proposals for the Mercury Space Program

David Hardiman — Mon, 18 May 2026 16:58:33 +0000

1. Boarding the space capsule shall be accomplished in the following order: Parents with small children, NASA Platinum Club members, service monkeys, small parents with large children, Civil War veterans, parents with imaginary children, and then astronauts 2. Heat shields would consist of a damp washcloth held in place with magnets 3. To save weight, […]

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Speculations If the Titanic Was Struck by an Iceberg Lettuce

David Hardiman — Sat, 02 May 2026 05:57:35 +0000

1. New class of ships would’ve evolved: Iceberg Lettuce Breakers. They’d be captained by Produce Managers 2. The expression, “That’s just the tip of the lettuce” would become popular 3. James Cameron’s net worth would be about $100 million less 4. If somehow the Iceberg Lettuce managed to rip a gash in the Titanic’s steel […]

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My Moustache Comb Salesman is Always Trying to Outdo Me

David Hardiman — Sat, 02 May 2026 05:53:40 +0000

When I told him I just had a twice-baked potato, he said, “Yeah, well I just had a thrice-baked potato. When I told him I saw the movie “Double Indemnity” he said “That’s nothing. I just saw the sequel ‘Quadruple Indemnity’ and it was twice as good.”

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Snippets of Overheard Conversation

David Hardiman — Fri, 01 May 2026 17:22:32 +0000

My dentist is so judgmental. He told me, “You made a very bad first impression with us. Try making a better second impression. By biting down harder.” Don’t you find it odd that your procrastinator’s office has only waiting rooms and that he’s making appointments 13 years out? Let that sink in. If a Kohler […]

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Dave Shares His Thoughts

David Hardiman — Mon, 05 Jan 2026 19:17:57 +0000

I wonder which is more wind resistant: Tumbleweed or Ariana Grande. I worry about that little pixie being picked up by a stiff breeze and never being seen or heard from again. So I’m not hip anymore. I wouldn’t recognize Dua Lipa or Doja Cat if they were French kissing me. And speaking of same, […]

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A Random List that has Nothing to Do with the New Year

David Hardiman — Thu, 01 Jan 2026 16:49:46 +0000

Archimedes, angered at misplacing his toga, exclaims “Eureka, I have lost it!” Archimedes math problems keep multiplying Archimedes says he’s screwed! (think, think, that’s it. You have found it!) It has been determined that William Shatner’s body is 95% ham The bark of Dogwood trees is ruff Self-Check Out is very popular these days. In […]

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Court Jester Shows in Medieval Times

David Hardiman — Fri, 26 Dec 2025 06:32:33 +0000

Louis XIV Presents: Jerk du Soleil Just Jest I Guess Surely You Joust (And stop calling me Joust…I mean surely) Clowns to the Left of Me Jokers to the Right, Here I am Stuck in the middle with me Oh how we love whatever God, our King tells us to Worship: And other ways to […]

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Dave’s Executive Orders: In Order to Form a More Perfect Onion

David Hardiman — Mon, 22 Dec 2025 07:18:47 +0000

There shall be established one approved name for all grandmothers, and it shall be Nonni. The Olsen Files to be released: It shall be publicly posted why Susan Olsen (little Cindy Brady) did not participate in the first Brady reunion movie. It’s been 38 years. The public has waited long enough. Ken Burns shall make […]

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He’s So Old…

David Hardiman — Tue, 25 Nov 2025 05:50:25 +0000

1. He threw rice at Adam & Eve’s wedding 2. He’s covered his ears when the Big Bang happened 3. He remembers when Alec Baldwin was still good-looking 4. He called Jesus Christ by his middle name “H” 5. He remembers when stardust first began coalescing into Steven Jobs . He’s So Old… 6. He […]

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