Oh Kleenex! My Kleenex!

When I place my nose deep in your tissue

I feel so depraved

Because what I issue in your tissue

‘tis mucous I’m afraid

Oh Kleenex! My Kleenex!

My fearful sneeze is thru

But I dare not look

To see that you took

All my nasal goo

Oh Kleenex! My Kleenex!

The filth I do deposit

Doth make me compelled

To open you up and see what’s beheld

Oh Kleenex! My Kleenex!

My mind is disturbed

For I can’t unsee the mayhem

It makes me perturbed

No I can’t unsee the gray phlegm

It makes me unnerved

Oh Kleenex! St. Kleenex!

Your tissues so absorb

The things I excrete

Straight out of my orb

I thank you I do

From my nasal cavity

And apologize greatly for my teenage depravity

Oh Kleenex! St. Kleenex!

Though you may think I’m being snotty

Be happy there’s toilet paper, right there by the potty 

For no matter what I’m wiping

‘tis you I adore

And no matter what I’m swiping

‘tis you I care for

Oh Kleenex! St. Kleenex!

You give so much, You ask so little

I need you now, to wipe my spittle.

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