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I Don’t Want to Say the Guy Was a Neanderthal, But…

David Hardiman — Sun, 03 May 2026 19:37:26 +0000

the only way he could cool his body was by panting he called the Paleo Diet just “diet” if you pointed at something down the street, he’d just look at the end of your finger during a full moon he howled like Michael McDonald he thought the city zoo was an apartment complex he thinks […]

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Speculations If the Titanic Was Struck by an Iceberg Lettuce

David Hardiman — Sat, 02 May 2026 05:57:35 +0000

1. New class of ships would’ve evolved: Iceberg Lettuce Breakers. They’d be captained by Produce Managers 2. The expression, “That’s just the tip of the lettuce” would become popular 3. James Cameron’s net worth would be about $100 million less 4. If somehow the Iceberg Lettuce managed to rip a gash in the Titanic’s steel […]

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My Moustache Comb Salesman is Always Trying to Outdo Me

David Hardiman — Sat, 02 May 2026 05:53:40 +0000

When I told him I just had a t wice-baked potato, he said, “Yeah, well I just had a thrice-baked potato. When I told him I saw the movie “Double Indemnity” he said “That’s nothing. I just saw the sequel ‘Quadruple Indemnity’ and it was twice as good.” But when I told him there are […]

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Snippets of Overheard Conversation

David Hardiman — Fri, 01 May 2026 17:22:32 +0000

My dentist is so judgmental. He told me, “You made a very bad first impression with us. Try making a better second impression. By biting down harder.” Don’t you find it odd that your procrastinator’s office has only waiting rooms and that he’s making appointments 13 years out? Let that sink in. If a Kohler […]

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Dave Shares His Thoughts

David Hardiman — Mon, 05 Jan 2026 19:17:57 +0000

I wonder which is more wind resistant: Tumbleweed or Ariana Grande. I worry about that little pixie being picked up by a stiff breeze and never being seen or heard from again. So I’m not hip anymore. I wouldn’t recognize Dua Lipa or Doja Cat if they were French kissing me. And speaking of same, […]

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A Random List that has Nothing to Do with the New Year

David Hardiman — Thu, 01 Jan 2026 16:49:46 +0000

Archimedes, angered at misplacing his toga, exclaims “Eureka, I have lost it!” Archimedes math problems keep multiplying Archimedes says he’s screwed! (think, think, that’s it. You have found it!) It has been determined that William Shatner’s body is 95% ham The bark of Dogwood trees is ruff Self-Check Out is very popular these days. In […]

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Dave’s Executive Orders: In Order to Form a More Perfect Onion

David Hardiman — Mon, 22 Dec 2025 07:18:47 +0000

There shall be established one approved name for all grandmothers, and it shall be Nonni. The Olsen Files to be released: It shall be publicly posted why Susan Olsen (little Cindy Brady) did not participate in the first Brady reunion movie. It’s been 38 years. The public has waited long enough. Ken Burns shall make […]

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People of the Earth and Their Reputation

David Hardiman — Sat, 20 Dec 2025 06:23:20 +0000

1. Nomads excel at anger management 2. Czechs use Venmo 3. The Assyrians were just regular Syrians, but with really big asses 4. The Finnish are done 5. In Warsaw they Pole dance 6. The Sea Anemone is the enemy of the Yemini 7. Q: If you go into a bathroom an American, and come […]

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He’s So Old…

David Hardiman — Tue, 25 Nov 2025 05:50:25 +0000

1. He threw rice at Adam & Eve’s wedding 2. He’s covered his ears when the Big Bang happened 3. He remembers when Alec Baldwin was still good-looking 4. He called Jesus Christ by his middle name “H” 5. He remembers when stardust first began coalescing into Steven Jobs . He’s So Old… 6. He […]

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