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Dining at 40,000 ft? It’s Absolutely God’s Intention.

David Hardiman — Tue, 11 Nov 2025 14:46:26 +0000

Lest you think it wasn’t God’s intention for man to eat in the sky, there is biblical precedence for it. So it is written in Ezekiel 1:15: And so it came to pass that Ezekiel saw the wheel Way up in the middle of the air And he saw that it was good And […]

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New Restaurant Franchises Reviewed

David Hardiman — Tue, 27 Feb 2024 17:02:05 +0000

The Beefcake Factory – Run by the NFL’s Kelce Bros, the food is great and the service (as you might expect) is Swift. Lizzie Borden’s Chophouse – Ghoulishly trendy place. Diners are losing their heads over it. The Scarlet Lobster – They only serve lobsters that have committed adultery. Popular in colonial Boston. Anna Phylactic’s […]

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Food Marketing Mishaps

David Hardiman — Sat, 13 May 2023 12:47:28 +0000

Cajun/Creole Creations Coca-Nola – A cola drink sold only in New Orleans Beignet – Taste-testers felt beignets were passe and stale. Many commented, “Beignet, done that.” Jumbo Liar – Big, spicy Cajun dish filled with fat fibbers, porcine perjurers and luscious liars, all served-up with a generous portion of shellfish-ness Dumbo – You’ll roux the […]

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Popular New Food Network Shows

David Hardiman — Sun, 16 Apr 2023 04:18:18 +0000

Popular New Food Network Shows Part I The Butcherlor: Young female carnivores vie for the affections of a hunky single butcher. Most get chopped. The winner is neatly tied-up in wax paper and then slid across a stainless-steel counter into the waiting arms of the Butchelor. Anyway you cut it, this show is a real […]

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Incredible Edibles: Stoner-Friendly Dishes Served at Medical Marijuana Eateries

David Hardiman — Wed, 30 Jan 2019 20:39:46 +0000

Wavy Gravy – A stoner classic. It’s a regular gravy lake you stare at, and then you swear it becomes wavy. Ham-murmurs and Hot Gods – A hallucinogenic take on America’s favorites. Dyslexilicious. Laminated menu with glossy pictures makes it easy for space cadets to point and order. Sue Nami’s Tsunami of Tzatziki Sauce – […]

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Gastronomic Judicial Proceedings

David Hardiman — Wed, 03 Oct 2018 07:35:32 +0000

The Supreme Food Court at the CIA (The Culinary Institute of America) has a full menu of cases this session. They include the following noteworthy disputes and their abstracts: Kevin Bacon v. Meat Loaf – Case to decide who’s the Alpha Carnivore Pringles v. United States Sawdust Corporation – A case in which US Sawdust […]

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And You Thought Food Courts Were Just Places Where Hungry Mall Shoppers Ate

David Hardiman — Wed, 03 Oct 2018 06:51:54 +0000

Food Court Rulings 2018: Case Histories World Food Court at The Hague Mrs. Dalrymple vs Gerber Baby Food Mrs. Dalrymple complained her baby’s strained peas were too chunky. The World Food Court found in favor of Mrs. D. agreeing that indeed the peas were too chunky. To remedy the defect, the Food Court issued […]

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New Grocery Store Foods for 2017

David Hardiman — Sat, 14 Jan 2017 14:26:10 +0000

Warning: This easily contrived list has no nutritive value and is not a substitute for a healthy, well-balanced chuckle. Prolonged exposure to this list may result in Ben Carson. Don’t ask me how, it just does. I learned that the hard way. 1. Hollow Core Oreos: For the cookie connoisseur who supports the 2nd […]

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