Food Marketing Mishaps

Cajun/Creole Creations

  1. Coca-Nola – A cola drink sold only in New Orleans
  2. Beignet – Taste-testers felt beignets were passe and stale. Many commented, “Beignet, done that.”
  3. Jumbo Liar – Big, spicy Cajun dish filled with fat fibbers, porcine perjurers and luscious liars, all served-up with a generous portion of shellfish-ness
  4. Dumbo – You’ll roux the day you try this Disney version of Gumbo. Disney’s Dumbo soup is the elephant in the roux-m no one wants to talk about – let alone eat.
  5. Crayfish, Crawfish, Crawdads – I don’t know where any of them sing, but they do stick in my craw.
  6. A-2-Fey – A Hip-Hop version of étouffée. Dish was doomed from the start when Tina Fey refused to endorse A-2-Fey.


Domestic Disasters

  1. Fig Glutens – Great – if you’re a glutton for gluten
  2. From the Makers of Planter’s Peanuts came an unsuccessful spin-off: Planter’s Fasciitis
  3. Argue-la – A quarrelsome version of arugula. Made for some very angry salads.
  4. Spaghetti É’s – The French version of Spaghetti O’s.
  5. Twice-thawed Pizza – The makers of twice-baked potatoes discovered doubly-thawed and refrozen pizza wasn’t twice as nice
  6. Flocked Flakes – Post Cereal’s answer to Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes. It fared poorly in test markets. People said they were uncomfortable eating anything that had been flocked.
  7. Pepperidge Farm Seahorses – Goldfish, yes. Seahorses, neigh.
  8. Cannibal Crackers – Animal crackers, yes. Cannibal Crackers, bite your tongue.


The Hostess Ho Ho’s Franchise

  1. Hostess Ho’s – Illegal in most states. Very expensive to buy. Even more expensive to touch.
  2. Hostess Ho, Ho’s – The traditional tasty snack cake. Always popular
  3. Hostess Ho, Ho, Ho’s – Santa’s yuletide snack cake. It was like Christmas in your mouth.


Gender Identity Foods

  1. Bi-Curious Bananas – Very a-peeling. But will they sell? As you’d expect with Bi-Curious Bananas, they could go either way
  2. Mom-sicles – Female version of the Pop-sicle
  3. Womangoes – Female version of mangoes
  4. Non-Binary Gingerbread Men – They no longer identify as cookies and are referred to as Gingerbread Thems

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