Archive for September, 2018

Least Inspiring Restaurant Franchise Names

  1. TGITAs – Thank God It’s Tuesday Afternoon. Lots of Moody Blues.
  2. A Confederacy of Donuts – The dough and the South shall rise again in this ill-conceived paean to plantation life. Rebels can dunk their donuts or misbehaving unpaid laborers into coffee. On Tuesdays overseers and serfs eat free. Ask about our Cotton Pickin’ Specials.
  3. Gristle’s – Home of the 72 oz. Bovine Pulmonary Vein
  4. The International House of Hoecakes – Our Hoecakes are blown out of proportion
  5. Heimlich’s – A German tapas house, featuring small chokable portions
  6. Hammertoe’s – Specializing in Pig’s Feet
  7. A seafood restaurant called The Poop Deck – It’s not what you think. It’s worse.
  8. Pig’s Feet – Specializing in Hammertoes
  9. Grunty’s – If you love flushing, you’ll love Grunty’s
  10. Abbatoir’s – Select your dinner from our livestock pen. Just point and click. All slaughtering done on site.
  11. The Crossdressing Dairy Queen – Think twice about ordering anything made with cream.
  12. Old MacDonald’s – Not affiliated with MacDonald’s. Featuring Farm to Table cuisine. 2 new locations – serving an Oink, Oink here and Moo Moo there. Old MacDonald has a restaurant. Eat, I eat, I owe.
  13. PTRs – Parsnips, Turnips and Rutabagas. It’s like totally tubular.
  14. The Pompous Ass – An architectural marvel. All customers enter through the rear.
  15. LGBTQ? It’s Friday – Bedroom to Table dining. A celebration of diversity featuring 6 distinct bathrooms. One for each orientation.
  16. Tai Foid’s Bistro – A place where Employees Must Wash Hands, but they don’t
  17. Original Grunty’s – Not an actual restaurant. I just like saying Grunty.
  18. Grunty’s on Fifth – Once again, not an actual restaurant, I just like saying Fifth.
  19. Cordial Ice Cream – A budget version of Friendly Ice Cream. If they become more profitable they promise to plow the money back into cheeriness. But for now they can only manage cordiality.

As my mother used to say, “David, sometimes your humor escapes me.” Well these escaped me…

Bothersome and Encumbered Verbiage for a Saturday Morning

Regular Version:
     The tortoise taught us Tetris
 
Yoda Version:
     Tetris, the tortoise taught us
 
Palindromic in Nature
 
Regular Version:
     A man a plan a canal Panama.
Backwards Version:
     .amanaP lanac a nalp a nam A
Backwards Detangled and Reordered Version:
     A man a plan a canal Panama.
Yoda Version:
     Panama, a canal, a plan, a man
Van Halen Version:
     Panama
Lewis Carrol Version:
     An animap twas brillig panib
Pig Latin Version
     Amana aplana acanala aPanama
Bill Gates Version
     011010110010100111010101011001010 Panama
 
 
Extra Vagant vs. extravagant
Photo Graphy vs. photography
Ali vs. Frazier
Alternate methods for getting across the Potomac River: Roe vs. Wade
 
Papal bull gets loose sending St. Peter’s flock running for sanctuary.
 
I don’t know about you, but I feel better now.
And still I wonder:
     Do geese see God
Backwards Version:
     Do geese see God
 
Help! I’m caught in a loop. Which is perfect because I’m feeling a little loopy this Saturday morning.