Archive for May, 2026
Early NASA Proposals for the Mercury Space Program
May 18th, 2026 | 
Author: 1.
Logo-a-go-go
Boarding the space capsule shall be accomplished in the following order: Parents with small children, NASA Platinum Club members, service monkeys, small parents with large children, Civil War veterans, parents with imaginary children, and then astronauts
2. Heat shields would consist of a damp washcloth held in place with magnets
3. To save weight, instead of bulky space suits, astronauts would fly in a form fitting onesie with an emergency drop seat for those “extra vehicular activities”
4. Instead of using complicated rocket science, vehicle would be launched by “boing,” using really big springs. I’m sorry. I meant to say vehicle would be launched by “Boeing” using really big springs.
5. No astronaut shall be named Twink
6. Make sure that mischievous Alan Shepherd promises that when he’s out on his spacewalk, he doesn’t take a spaceleak
7. Even though it won’t be connected to anything, and to give the astronauts a sense that their more than just cargo, the dashboard in the space capsule shall have a switch labeled Vroom!
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I Don’t Want to Say the Guy Was a Neanderthal, But…
- the only way he could cool his body was by panting
- he called the Paleo Diet just “diet”
- if you pointed at something down the street, he’d just look at the end of your finger
- during a full moon he howled like Michael McDonald
- he thought the city zoo was an apartment complex
- he thinks man started walking erect because of Pamela Anderson
- he thinks baboons should be given the vote
- he had hair…on his fingernails
- his go to pick-up line was, “Your cave or mine?”
- y’know, he still had better manners than Russel Crowe
Speculations If the Titanic Was Struck by an Iceberg Lettuce
1.
New class of ships would’ve evolved: Iceberg Lettuce Breakers. They’d be captained by Produce Managers
New class of ships would’ve evolved: Iceberg Lettuce Breakers. They’d be captained by Produce Managers2. The expression, “That’s just the tip of the lettuce” would become popular
3. James Cameron’s net worth would be about $100 million less
4. If somehow the Iceberg Lettuce managed to rip a gash in the Titanic’s steel hull and she began to sink, some wise ass would get on his knees and shout, “Lettuce Pray.”
5. A passenger peering over the railing might remark, “What, no dressing.”
6. Investigators would conclude, “What the hell was a head of lettuce doing in the middle of the North Atlantic?”
My Moustache Comb Salesman is Always Trying to Outdo Me
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Handy and great for mustache combovers too.
When I told him I just had a twice-baked potato, he said, “Yeah, well I just had a thrice-baked potato.
- When I told him I saw the movie “Double Indemnity” he said “That’s nothing. I just saw the sequel ‘Quadruple Indemnity’ and it was twice as good.”
Snippets of Overheard Conversation
- My dentist is so judgmental. He told me, “You made a very bad first impression with us. Try making a better second impression. By biting down harder.”
- Don’t you find it odd that your procrastinator’s office has only waiting rooms and that he’s making appointments 13 years out? Let that sink in.
- If a Kohler wash basin comes knocking at your door….let that sink in
- The Titanic was struck by an iceberg. It flooded and they had no choice but to, let that sink in.
- I want you to really apply yourself and carefully coordinate things. Y’know, let that sync in.
- Do you want to go to the Gay Rodeo? And for context, I should mention it’s the animals and not the cowboys who are gay – don’t ask me how they know.
- I really am the Eggman – all egg white. And that’s no yolk.
- The famous 1920’s evangelist was not named Amy Sample She was Amy Semple MacPherson. In this simple example, Sample is Semple.
- I know a gunslinger who had such bad aim, he couldn’t shoot the breeze if he tried
- I know a guy who was very unsuccessful in hitting on women. He couldn’t hit the broad side of a broad
- And yes, I realize that Napoleon Bonaparte is not germane to this discussion. How could he be germane? He’s French.