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Early NASA Proposals for the Mercury Space Program

1.

                            Logo-a-go-go

Boarding the space capsule shall be accomplished in the following order: Parents with small children, NASA Platinum Club members, service monkeys, small parents with large children, Civil War veterans, parents with imaginary children, and then astronauts

2. Heat shields would consist of a damp washcloth held in place with magnets
3. To save weight, instead of bulky space suits, astronauts would fly in a form fitting onesie with an emergency drop seat for those “extra vehicular activities”
4. Instead of using complicated rocket science, vehicle would be launched by “boing,” using really big springs. I’m sorry. I meant to say vehicle would be launched by “Boeing” using really big springs.
5. No astronaut shall be named Twink
6. Make sure that mischievous Alan Shepherd promises that when he’s out on his spacewalk, he doesn’t take a spaceleak
7. Even though it won’t be connected to anything, and to give the astronauts a sense that their more than just cargo, the dashboard in the space capsule shall have a switch labeled Vroom!

Mission to Mars 2025: “Uh Houston, we have a baby.”

Dinky wet planet of ours as seen from Mars. Mote absence of nation's boundaries. Imagine that...

Dinky wet planet of ours as seen from Mars. Note absence of nations’ boundaries. Imagine that…

There was no contingency plan for it because no one at NASA’s Office of Risk Management ever dreamed it could happen. So when astronauts Deke Culpepper and Carla Winsome blasted off from Cape Canaveral on January 20th 2025 there was every expectation their 5 year historic mission to Mars would be completed by those 2 astronauts – and those 2 astronauts alone. No one anticipated they’d be returning to Earth with a little bundle of extra-terrestrial joy courtesy of a botched vasectomy. The birth of this little male space dividend on the Martian surface, and his subsequent return to earth added credence to the widely held belief that, men are from Mars. In the end though, this event demonstrated something we already knew about forces of nature – that although there is no gravity in space, the attraction between the heavenly bodies of Deke Culpepper and Carla Winsome proved irresistible. Read the rest of this entry »