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The New 14 Commandments

David Hardiman — Sun, 03 Mar 2024 20:27:02 +0000

(As It Pertains to Peoples’ Names) Be it known to all homo sapiens, that I (your eternal pal, the Almighty) am not a fan of these designer, boutique names that so many of my errant flock have wantonly applied to themselves. These hip-hop and vacuous monikers conjure up unjustified notions of characters ranging from gilded […]

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What Do You Call People From…?

David Hardiman — Mon, 10 Apr 2023 05:10:48 +0000

1. Antwerp…. Twerps 2. Jacksonville…. The Village People 3. Amsterdam…. Amsterdamnits 4. Botswana…. BotsWannabees 5. Livermore…. Livermorons 6. Dubai…. Doobies 7. Auckland…. Awkwards 8. Gaza Strip…. Gaza Strippers 9. Bangkok…. People from “Bangkok” are simply embarrassed 10. Walla Walla…. Walla Walla Bing Bangs 11. Nantucket…. Side Note: I once knew a man from Nantucket 12. […]

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We asked 28 Socially Distant Grandchildren, “What name do you call your grandmother when she’s not around?” Their responses and explanations proved startling:

David Hardiman — Sat, 25 Apr 2020 18:31:24 +0000

Nana with the See-thru Hands – She’s the best, but at this point she’s like looking at an X-ray Insta-Gram – It’s what I called my new grandma when I was first adopted into the family My Inheritance – I love her and everything but c’mon, daddy needs a new Honda Crystal Methuselah – She’s […]

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New Housing Developments Address an Increasingly Fragmented Market

David Hardiman — Fri, 31 May 2019 18:07:19 +0000

As the housing market continues to fragment into ever-narrower segments, the housing industry has responded with creative communities designed to address underserved markets. The following is a sample of these new communities reflecting the unique lifestyle of their target market: Habitat for Profanity – A sweat-equity community built for poor people who like to swear. […]

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Least Inspiring Restaurant Franchise Names

David Hardiman — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 17:42:12 +0000

TGITAs – Thank God It’s Tuesday Afternoon. Lots of Moody Blues. A Confederacy of Donuts – The dough and the South shall rise again in this ill-conceived paean to plantation life. Rebels can dunk their donuts or misbehaving unpaid laborers into coffee. On Tuesdays overseers and serfs eat free. Ask about our Cotton Pickin’ Specials. […]

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Trump Administration Revamps Executive Branch to Reflect Current Political Realities

David Hardiman — Fri, 03 Feb 2017 20:17:36 +0000

In a top to bottom reorganization of the Executive Branch, the Trump Administration began to repurpose cabinet level departments and certain governmental agencies to better reflect their new role in the Oranging of America. The following is a list of rebranded names that more accurately express the new breeze blowing through their corridors: 1. After […]

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