white | davidhardiman.com

Little-Known Dwarfs Edited Out of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Movie

David Hardiman — Thu, 19 Oct 2023 20:21:34 +0000

Gropey – This all-hands dwarf couldn’t stop touching his fellow actors and was #metoo-ed off the set Swiftie – This dwarf was always trying to shake it off Mucousy – A real drip. Usually found quarantining w/Sneezy. Phony – George Santos dressed as a dwarf Limey – An Englishman dwarf who developed scurvy Needy – […]

The post Little-Known Dwarfs Edited Out of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Movie first appeared on davidhardiman.com.

Least Popular Sleep-Inducing White Noise Sounds

David Hardiman — Tue, 06 Jun 2023 03:50:29 +0000

The sound of a hummingbird that can’t quite find the tune Gentle rain falling on a corpse (Once they tell you that, you can’t get it out of your head) William Shatner singing the Beatles “Why………Don’t-We-Do-It-in-the-Road” A recorded loop of “Please listen carefully as some of our menu items have changed.” Another recorded loop of […]

The post Least Popular Sleep-Inducing White Noise Sounds first appeared on davidhardiman.com.

Ku Klux Klan Announces Annual 3K Race

David Hardiman — Fri, 02 Dec 2022 18:55:04 +0000

Holy Sheet – Yes, It’s That Time of Year Already? . This year’s 3K Race is a must for all you Racists out there. Racists from all sorts of backgrounds are welcomed: be they White, Caucasian, Aryan or just plain Anglo-Saxon. You see with the Klan, it doesn’t really matter where you’re from as long […]

The post Ku Klux Klan Announces Annual 3K Race first appeared on davidhardiman.com.

What’s in Your Sleep App?

David Hardiman — Fri, 11 Mar 2022 08:09:49 +0000

Top 10 (or so) Least Popular “White Noise” Ambient Sounds Rain falling on a corpse An endless loop of “Please listen carefully as some of our menu options have changed” Waves crashing on a Land Rover parked too close to the shore Nail guns operated by the Marine Drum & Bugle Corps Wind blowing through […]

The post What’s in Your Sleep App? first appeared on davidhardiman.com.

And We Shall Know They are ex-Military by the Whites of Their Scalps

David Hardiman — Mon, 26 Jul 2021 18:50:05 +0000

Be it known to all men far and wide. Whether they be newly discharged from the military or just civilians on forever furlough; do not, I repeat, do not keep your hair so short that we can see the whiteness of your scalp. I’m telling you – it’s not a good look. It’s not a […]

The post And We Shall Know They are ex-Military by the Whites of Their Scalps first appeared on davidhardiman.com.

Way Too Much Information about Celebrity White Noise Marketing

David Hardiman — Tue, 03 Oct 2017 18:27:24 +0000

Celebrities trade on their famousness. It’s a commodity of recognition easily monetized courtesy of the endorsement market and the underlying calculus often plays out like this: “Me like that person. If me imitate, me become like them. Then happy.” Now, let’s cut to the idea of where Ambien’s magic ends, and white noise sleep-inducing […]

The post Way Too Much Information about Celebrity White Noise Marketing first appeared on davidhardiman.com.

Apple Announces New White Noise Sleep App for Weirdos

David Hardiman — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 07:11:48 +0000

Background White noises designed to promote deep & restful sleep in the Loosely Wrapped Endless loop of Oktoberfest Burping A soothing recording of a woman continuously saying, “The Sandman will see you now.” Repeated sound of a cat scrambling to get out of a bathtub with 2” of water in it For the Zen sleeper: […]

The post Apple Announces New White Noise Sleep App for Weirdos first appeared on davidhardiman.com.