What’s in Your Sleep App?

What’s in Your Sleep App?

Top 10 (or so) Least Popular “White Noise” Ambient Sounds

  1. Rain falling on a corpse
  2. An endless loop of “Please listen carefully as some of our menu options have changed”
  3. Waves crashing on a Land Rover parked too close to the shore
  4. Nail guns operated by the Marine Drum & Bugle Corps
  5. Wind blowing through an orphanage
  6. An endless loop of “If this is a medical emergency, please hang up and dial 911”
  7. Morgan Freeman slowly enunciating, “Here kitty, kitty, kitty. Heeeeere kitty.”
  8. A batter repeatedly hit on the ankle by a 95 mph fastball
  9. A continuous sound of rubber being punctured by one of those “Caution: Severe Tire Damage” spikes.
  10. The Gettysburg Address solemnly spoken in Pig Latin
  11. A quartet of Leaf Blowers playing “When the Saints Go Marching In”
  12. The sound of no hands clapping. AKA the Sound of Silence.

    Whatever get’s ya thru the night…It’s alright. It’s alright.

  13. Christopher Walken reciting “Rock-a-Bye Baby”
  14. The whoosh of toilets flushing
  15. A 15-round recording of Rock’em Sock’em robots boxing
  16. A veterinarian brushing Grover’s teeth. Grover is his assistant.
  17. The zipping sounds of aestheticians administering a bikini wax

And if this list doesn’t put you to sleep, nothing will.

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