Archive for May, 2025
Most Popular Questions Asked by First Responders to Determine an Agitated Person’s State of Mind:
May 18th, 2025 | 
Author: 1. Are you currently being threatened by anyone carrying a spear and wearing war paint.
2. Have you ever told a turtle to, “Slow the f*ck down Buttercup.”
3. Can you be trusted with popsicles
4. As far as reality goes, do you find yourself standing around just waiting for someone to yell, “Cut.”
5. Is your bedside table illuminated by a jar of fireflies
6. Are you able to outrun a lava flow
6.5. Your fears were correct; the calls were coming from inside the house. However, were you aware that you were the one making the calls?
7. Do you tend to giggle when someone says, “Whoa! Smells like natural gas in here.”
8. Are you wearing any Band-Aids covering nothing, just so people think you’re tough.
9. When you look in the mirror do you see the back of your head
10. Does your Bible have a centerfold in it
11. When you look in the mirror do you see the back of my head
12. Do you fantasize about congregating in the front of airplanes
13. Is your tongue currently in a wall socket
14. Do you now or have you ever had in your possession any umbilical cord recipes
15. When you look at porno, do you often see yourself in the pictures
16. Is your progress currently being impeded by any ceiling fans mistakenly mounted on the floor
17. Do perverts avoid you because they think you’re the weird one
18. Is there a petting zoo in your pantry
19. Have you ever wanted to harm Kermit the Frog
20. When you look in the mirror do you ever say “Man, I’m glad I don’t look like that guy.”
21. Have you ever responded to a woman who said, “Boy do my calves hurt” by saying “I didn’t even know you had children.”
Posted in 