Posts Tagged ‘top gun’

Very Sensitive Viewers.

Very, Very, Very Sensitive Viewers.

While practicing good manners and respectful behaviors have their proper place in a high-functioning society, some have grown hypersensitive to mild offenses or perceived slights. These overly empathetic souls have little tolerance for coarse behaviors. Full disclosure: While I consider myself woke, I’m also very groggy.

 

Whether this inability of certain people to take things in stride is set at the factory or is a learned disposition I’ll leave to the sociologists. Suffice to say, that for whatever reason, many individuals take umbrage at the gentlest of affronts. Rather than us being outraged by their uber compassion or misguided benevolence, I say we pack them in cotton and coddle them further. And it’s with this faulty premise in mind I’ve taken the time to highlight some coarse content in movies these souls might find concerning or want to avoid altogether.

 

 

Shows that May Depict Scenes that are Inappropriate for Uber Sensitive Audiences 

The following shows may contain content that an overly sensitive viewer might consider offensive. And they may want to avoid such brazenly boorish behaviors so as to not disturb their delicate disposition:

 

1. The documentary A History of Stringed Instruments: Sensitive viewers should be forewarned there’s a lot of gratuitous violins in it. Some say too much violins at the expense of the cellos. I don’t mean to harp on this and I’m not a lyre, but you could save some lute by going to another movie.
2. Be advised French director François Truffaut’s Fahrenheit 451 (the temperature at which paper ignites) features moldy cheese (Roquefort), women with unshaven armpits and many French words spoken in a heavy French accent. It is recommended you should avoid this movie if you are either lactose intolerant, pit averse or just plain Francophobic. And don’t be fooled; the European title of Fahrenheit 451 is Celsius 232.8
3. Nudity Warning: In Matt Damon’s We Bought a Zoo, many, if not all of the animals appear completely naked and walk around just like it’s nothing
4. Rapacious Consumption Alert: In Jurassic Park, some of the park’s visitors walking in the background (extras) are believed to have eaten fish that were caught unsustainably. If you can’t stomach people who’ve eaten non-farmed fish it is best to avoid this movie.
5. Noxious Nicotine Potential could leave you fuming: In Sophie’s Choice, in a scene where Meryl Streep must make a momentous decision, a pack of unfiltered cigarettes (Gitanes) can clearly be seen on a table, as if to condone, if not promote its addictively lethal vapors
6. Cautionary Tail: In Lassie Comes Home, the titular canine wags her tail in a highly suggestive manner, possibly indicating Timmy fell down the well, or maybe that Timmy is outback of the bunkhouse swilling moonshine with Betsy.
7. In Jack Ass 8 there’s an abundance of Full-Frontal Idiocy. It’s so in your face.
8. Scandalously Titillating Topography: In David Attenborough’s Our Planet, in a segment on Australia’s Koala bear, a mountain in the background appears to suggest naked female hips, causing a modest person to wonder why she’s not wearing panties Down Under.
9. Clever Coarse Language Alert: Cover your ears from the profane. In the documentary The Construction of the Empire State Building, the word “erection” is used in congratulatory reference to the newly constructed building: “Your company has managed a truly marvelous erection that shall stand for a thousand years.”
10. Avert Your Eyes if Able Warning: In the TED talk Dentistry in Estonia, you’ll be aghast as you witness the presenter with an errant piece of spinach covering almost 2 of his incisors.
11. Mile-High Misogynist Club Warning: In Top Gun, while playing pool, a cocky, gum-chewing pilot indirectly comments on his appreciation of a nearby woman’s buttocks. Is there no shame?
12. Geriatric Sorrow Alert: In the movie Cocoon, several arthritic women attempt to open a jar of pickles to no avail. Viewers will feel their pain when the seniors are forced to eat their sandwiches pickleless.