Archive for February, 2013

A Modest Proposal

Best seats in the house for free can't stem the tide of fan apathy. Above: The faithful showing up in drove for Sunday services. Best Seats in the House for Free Can’t Stem the Tide of Fan Apathy. Above: The faithful showing up in drove for Sunday services. But wait! There’s hope.

Including the NFL, there are almost 1200 religions in the world. And except for the NFL, all are having difficulty filling their stadiums as disenchanted fans abandon their seats for more secular pursuits. Religions  are competing for an ever dwindling number of newcomers and are having a tough time with their sales pitch as potential recruits demand more than vague promises of security and rapture:

“The truth is ours,” says the Mennonite. And we immediately think, “Isn’t mennonite an element in the Periodic Table?”

“We desire nothing,” peaceably declares the Buddhist beautifully attracting us with their completion backwards principle.

“I am infallible.” The Pope decrees. And we immediately think, “That’s nice Mr. Pope, but I’m due back on the planet earth now.”

“Why am I even in this conversation,” sayeth the atheist. Read the rest of this entry »

Having said, “Having said that.”

I don't know what it is either, but I sure want to merge with it. I’m not sure what this is, but I really want to merge with it.

Absolute freedom exists in literature. One can write about the ridiculously small world of Quantum Mechanics or the ridiculously small world of Garage Mechanics. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all (Sorry – this paragraph sponsored by Disney). We may write prose or poems. We may write about being a fly on the wall in the Oval Office who wishes he were an ant on the frosting of a same sex wedding cake. We may even write about a false prophet whose hard earned truths are showcased in his best-selling book “The Purpose Driven Cadillac.” 

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Yes, one may conjure innumerable esoteric permutations of charming lterary expression, but the following story is not for mindless snacking. Nope. We need to graduate from the deceptively empty calories of: Read the rest of this entry »