Archive for July, 2019

I would imagine that in God’s eyes we’re a lot like dogs: noble and companionable, but let’s face it – cosmically speaking we’re still drinking from the toilet bowl. My particular weakness is my singular inability to look at a buffed granite countertop and simply say, “I appreciate your bright and shiny stoniness.” Instead I become verbose and overly celebratory in my praise of granite.

“Don’t take me for granite!”

I’m reasonably intelligent (I’ve never owned a pet rock), but I’m unable to feel just a simple appreciation and normal regard for granite. I fuss over, and am awed by granite. My point is, for whatever reason, I cannot take granite for granted. I’ll grant you taking granite for granted rarely impacts my everyday life and thankfully was not part of my mortgage application – “Mr. Hardiman in the essay portion of our application you seem to imply that you are unable to take granite for granted. I’m afraid your lack of normalcy in the realm of granite appreciation is both unnatural and, in this case, disqualifying. We cannot in good conscience lend money to someone as dumb as a rock.”

And the bank would be justified in my exclusion because it’s not just granite countertops I cannot take for granted, but also granite rock formations. I admit I’m so awed by granite that I’ve recently moved to New Hampshire for no other reason than to be in the Granite state.

Well so what. Maybe for you it’s Dancing with the Stars or that caramelized crusty corner of homemade macaroni & cheese that you cannot take for granted, but for me it’s granite. And I’m not alone either. As Abraham Lincoln said about his favorite Civil War general: “I’ll grant you Grant doesn’t take granite for granted even though I hear Stonewall Jackson does.”