Class Action Lawsuits on the Docket

 Class Action Lawsuits on the Docket

The People of America versus

  1. The People of America v. Victoria’s Secret – A case of the negligent negligee whereby Victoria’s Secret lack of proper warning labels on the erotic garment has led to thousands of unplanned pregnancies. Women are suing for redress…so to speak.
  2. Has justice always been blind? Nope. Not since they invented money.

    The People of America v. Clumping Kitty Litter – Victims allege their lungs clumped-up and seized after cumulatively inhaling too much of the amalgamating litter dust when cleaning the box. The litter industry tried issuing protective masks, but the mask mandate was ruled illegal in Texas, where the governor said “There’s no proof where the clumping cat litter came from…could be China.” No word whether felines will launch a Cat Action Lawsuit. The entire affair is a catastrophe.

  3. The People of America v. God – For being an overly permissive parent. The people accuse him of making a mockery of personal responsibility by not charging for Free Will. Plaintiffs hope to compel God to charge a fee for Free Will, so people have to pay for their mistakes before they make them.
  4. The People of America v. Jeff Bezos – God himself is actually suing Mr. Bezos for having more money than he does. It seems God doesn’t want the humorous comparison to now be “<insert name here> has got more money than Bezos.” He just wants a little income redistribution and for that humorous comparison to be returned to “<insert name here> has got more money than God.” My opinion is maybe he should’ve thought about that before he tried to make himself popular by handing out Free Will. It’s like the guy was trying to be worshipped or something.
  5. The People of America v. Costco – Sue them? Never. The American public proposes to shower them with even more money so they can make their Big Box Stores Bigger and Boxier.
  6. The People of America v. Grub Hub/Uber Eats – Really. You need a hot meal delivered to your door at 4Xs the cost of making it? Unless you’re sick or something people should not have meals delivered at a frequency of more than once a month. How do they propose to stop these food deliveries? What else – a gag order.  
  7. The People of America v. Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, Discovery+, Paramount Plus, Disney +. Apple TV+, HBO Max, Peacock, Regularcock and All of the Other 3 million Streaming Services – Henceforth their shall be only ONE consolidated streaming service we all belong to, with no add ons, no Pluses or + after it and one fee. It shall be called Obama Streaming and it shall become the most popular, mandatory Socialist entertainment platform ever devised. You don’t even have to pay for any of it till you’re 26. Exceptions will be made for Board Certified Urologists who may offer unlimited streaming services, but only as it relates to urination.
  8. The People of America v. The People of America – An ongoing struggle between the righteous and the wrongus. If we didn’t identify so strongly with our egos it wouldn’t be a problem. But what do I know? Up until last year I thought the Ozone was a very sensitive spot on a woman.

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