Hardiman Reinvents the Wheel

Wrong Wheel.

When Popular Mechanics magazine said, “You don’t need to reinvent the wheel,” he did it anyway. Mr. Hardiman ignored their calls for circular restraint and thought “outside the circumference” in reimagining the millennial old rolling disk. Drawing from the highest spiritual concepts available, Mr. Hardiman revolutionized the wheel by imbuing it with “the path of least resistance.” A creed perfectly suited to tire design. His new wheel rolls like it’s in a completely frictionless environment – like the atmosphere in a Stepford household. This wheel is so advanced, it’s always rolling downhill – both ways.

 

Right wheel.

In perfecting the Holy Grail of geometric shapes he made it so round, so firm and so fully packed he didn’t know whether to roll it or to smoke it, so he did both and achieved a naturally perfect roundness last seen in the butt cheeks of Kim Kardashian (from what I’m told). Hardiman’s reinvented wheel is rounder, rollier and immaculately circular. How did he achieve the new wheel’s dynamic rollability?

 

Hardiman Explains

Similarly to decisions in the field of case law which contradict precedent cases of settled law, I just intuitively believed felt that the wheel was not a “settled invention.” It could be improved upon, if not reinvented altogether. I further postulated that since the root of all suffering is desire, I would remove that bugaboo from the equation for the circumference (C) of a circle by rewriting it from: C = 2 π r.  To: C = (2 π r – desire). Right there with a few nimble hieroglyphs, I excised the suffering, smoothed things out and imbued the wheel with the path of least resistance. Simple really.    

 

What’s Next?

After reinventing the wheel Mr. Hardiman takes on the napkin, sliced bread and those little desiccant packets you find in clothing. Then again, tinkering with these cultural mainstays would probably mean taking the path of most resistance.

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