God Accused of the Nonconsensual and Unwelcomed Relocation of Vulnerable Souls from their True Home in Fabulous Heaven to the Crude Habitat of Problematic Earth
Is this just another case of soulful harassment so prevalent these days? Well, as we’ll see it may depend on your perspective.
The Dam Breaks
A trickle of repressed memories bravely voiced by a few earthbound souls has led to a torrent of recovered memories by other souls who’ve come forward to corroborate disturbing accounts of being forcibly evicted from their lofty perch in fabulous heaven and relegated to the surly confines of problematic earth.
And even though she’s not been asked, attorney Gloria Allred has agreed to represent the entire human race of 7.5 billion people in a class action suit of Everyone vs. The All-Being. She seeks to restore her would-be clients to their former heavenly station, including the wings, halos and the ecstatic drama-free environment they were accustomed to. “We know of no compelling reason why the Almighty chose to arbitrarily cast out his adoring flock into a far flung Earthly outpost devoid of the unity, love and clarity so abundant in their rightful home. His capricious action is doubly painful because he seems to be doing it simply for his own amusement,” offered the well-intentioned Allred.
The Supreme Being vows to vigorously defend himself against these unwelcomed relocation accusations, stating, “Whoa! Hang on there barrister. You’re all wet about this thing – well, Allred anyway. This is how the universe works ♫G-L-O-R-I-A Gloria ♫. I’m just following orders too y’know. It’s not so much “My Will” as it is “The Will”. Don’t take it all so seriously – for my son’s sake.”
Lawyers for our dear Lord claim the statute of limitations had run out on this case since he’s been relocating people like this for millions of years and it has become “an accepted practice – kind of like hazing at a fraternity. The universe oscillates. It breathes in and out if you will. Even if you won’t, it does it anyway. Our shared universe defies argument. In fact it defies anything – it just is.”
The Lord’s point being well-taken, let alone unassailable, our little story should’ve ended right there. But the colicky human mind being prone to risibility, it continues to cogitate over a topic that has long since been put to rest as settled law.
Soulful Diaspora Gives many Dyspepsia
This unGodly Soulful Harassment isn’t so much about a “bad heavenly touch” as it is about “taxation without representation.” That is, we souls were neither consulted on, nor agreed to, being thrown out from the empyrean splendor of heaven to toil under the blinkered oppression of earthly duality. We’re better than that, but we’re only as good as the system within which we operate. In the time before the known universe exploded 15 billion years ago (6000 years ago for my Fundamentalist friends) we were all residing ecstatically in Nirvana. Now we’re nowhere near vana. Our newfound station in life is intolerable, because we know what the potential is and we have inklings of the burning majesty just beneath the veneer of this world.
We therefore seek redress. Meanwhile, until we’re redressed, we’re just going to stand around here with our robes open until God does something about it. And while I recognize challenging an all-omniscient being is not the wisest course of action, it was either spar with the Lord or get on opioids. And since opioids are contraindicated in writers with crypto-spiritual tendencies, you understand the Hobson’s choice I faced.
The Check Ego Light is On
In any event, we humans are aggrieved souls laboring under the pretense of ego – that foul GPS system that makes us feel separate and pre-eminent. The ego also gets us bogged down in details, like realizing that in the previous sentence I essentially wrote “system” twice because “GPS system” reads Global Positioning System system. Do I need this kind of self-awareness? Does anybody. I’ll say this much – It sure beats being addicted to Fentanyl.
Testimonial from a Testifier: Amanda Truesdale Speaks
“I’m telling ya he’s a serial ‘bad toucher’,” claims Target shift supervisor and single mother of two, Amanda Truesdale. “I was happily going about my business in the Edenic Garden of heavenly delights when this aged hand comes from out of nowhere and knocks me off Cloud Nine. I fell all the way down to Vincennes, Indiana – and this was before we got the mall. It was basically just a Sears and Roebuck on the Wabash. Heck we didn’t even get a Dairy Queen till 1990. What did I do to deserve this? Maybe that’s the wrong question, but is this any way to treat your customers Mr. God?
“My friends say the same thing happened to them. My sister Laura said one minute she was quaffing an ambrosia umbrella drink at a one of the swankier lokas in Buddhist heaven and the next thing you know she’s a minimum wage facilitator at an Amazon Fulfillment Center in Fernley, Nevada. Where is the justice in that?
“It was another Hobson’s choice you gave us – ‘You can either go to Earth peaceably and fulfill your karmic destiny now, or you can go not so peaceably.’ Either way we were going. We were coerced into leaving our true home. God hinted he wouldn’t retaliate if we stayed, but you could always sense his veiled threat of eternal damnation if you didn’t cooperate. And if you tried to wiggle out of it by asking Mother Nature, ‘Can I please stay in heaven?’ – It was always, ‘Well it’s OK with me, but you’d better ask your father.’ Bad move.”
Thus Spake the Lord
God didn’t so much defend his actions as he outlined the indescribably perfect manner in which the cosmic wheel turns.
“My loved ones: I get no joy in superintending the just operation of our collective experiences. It’s no more up to me than it is up to you what happens. And I speak in riddles because this is the only medium I have right now. Yours is a state fraught with passions and ambiguity. And I agree with everything you say, but think not of me as something separate from you. This description won’t help from this level but John Lennon teased out the meaning best when he sang, ♫I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together ♫.
“I always liked that Magical Mystery Tour album – very underrated, even for a Beatle album. In any event. Tut-tut. Do not buy into to inconsistencies more than you must to get by on earth. This is just one temporary channel – a great and worthy channel, but just another one nonetheless. Do not overestimate it, nor minimize it. Just live it There’s a reason you feel so separate from me – experience it. Fear not, in no time it’ll all be breathed back in and the process will begin anew.
“The Big Secret is you’re not separate from me. That’s it. You’re still residing in the deepest part of my heart (our shared heart) you just don’t realize it. I’d say more, but my lawyers advised me to keep my remarks brief.”
Meanwhile back on Earth a Quick Note to the Creator
Dear Lord we do seek relief so please heed our heartfelt reminder: If you’d like to redress us, our robes are always open.