Posts Tagged ‘brad’

The Officially Revised Rules to the Sequel to Fight Club

The first rule of the original Fight Club was:

You do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of the original Fight Club was:

You DO NOT talk about Fight Club.

In this more charitable sequel, the rules have been updated to reflect a more tolerant pugilistic culture.

The first revised rule of Fight Club Round 2:

1. You may obliquely refer to Fight Club.

The second revised rule of Fight Club Round 2:

2. You may OBLIQUELY refer to Fight Club.

 

Other rules/observations to the sequel Fight Club Round 2 are as follows:

1. If a participant is knocked out, the National Anthem is played so they will spring to their feet through patriotic peer pressure
2. All jock straps will be equipped with air bags to protect against accidental kicks to the groin
3. Chuck Norris is not allowed to compete in Fight Club (unless, of course, he wants to)
4. If a defeated opponent yells “Stop”, taps out or goes limp, the victor must pull down the loser’s pants and yell “Olly olly oxen free.”
5. Fight Club believes (contrary to whatever the American Society of Gastroenterologists might say) that the occasional roundhouse kick to the stomach is actually good for digestion. The same holds true for a right cross to the occipital lobe improving your vision. 
6. Even if you’re a delusional and alienated white collar worker looking for kicks, Fight Club is a really, really stupid thing to do – especially if you’re as good-looking as Brad Pitt
7. This list of rules doesn’t make a whole lot of sense unless you’re familiar with Fight Club. And even if you are familiar with it, the list still doesn’t make much sense.
8. In Fight Club you may not use corncob holders as a weapon. However you may use armpit odor.
9. You are not permitted to quote from the Bible while your opponent is in a chokehold. However you may quote from Chuck Norris’s autobiography
10. The channeling of Bruce Lee is recommended. However the channeling of Brenda Lee…not so much
11. If you enjoy fighting recreationally, you might also like our sister group: Colonoscopy Club. The first rule of Colonoscopy Club is: You do not talk about Colonoscopy Club. The second rule is that, due to fumes beyond its control, Colonoscopy Club stinks.