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Posts Tagged ‘good’

The Metastatic Advantage: Top 12 Good Things About Pancreatic Cancer

Silver Linings Where You Least Expect Them

  1. For the first time in your life, when someone says, “Hey dude, kept it real.” You can legitimately respond, “Don’t worry. I am.”

    A sliver of silver illuminates awl.
    Great, now I’ve got a light shining on my awl.

  2. On wrestling with “Tis better to give than receive”: Predicting what some distant family member will get you for Christmas and trying to buy them a gift of equal or lesser value…no longer an issue.
  3. Gun to Your Head Clarity: Without having to 2nd guess yourself, you finally see the true value of everything. Then you breathe easy and realize: “Aaaah, so this is what enlightenment looks like. I like it.”
  4. Some things will never change. Rap Music will still suck.
  5. The myth of feeling aggrieved, angry or contemptuous is obliterated forever. You realize your strong convictions merely made you a convict rather than a free thinker. And you shake your head and say, “Great. Thanks God. Thanks for the Stage IV metastatic pancreatic cancer. It took being on deaths door to prompt this life-affirming realizations. And now because time is so short I can’t even get a book deal.”
  6. You never again have to worry about your cat sneakily licking your armpits
  7. Beautiful Hallucinations of Fortune: “Am I near vanna yet?” “You mean Nirvana?” “No. I mean near Vanna. I just want to be near Vanna White.”
  8. You become relaxed and let things go. You come to know it’s OK to be bad, with both names and faces now. How liberating. Now when you see someone you’re vaguely familiar with, you can just point at them and say, “Woof.”
  9. You’ll get to see John Lennon soon. Of course you’ll also have to contend with Phyllis Diller and Tiny Tim, but not to worry; Einstein, Siddhartha and Jesus’ company easily outweighs Charlie Callas, Charlie Ponzi and Typhoid Mary’s.
  10. Peaceful, volitional suicide? Suddenly it’s not such a bad alternative. In this way you can go out on your terms and not some pre-programmed termination you never signed up for. This is where opioids have a legitimate place at the table.  
  11. You can now park in handicapped spots without a placard. And when called on it by the scolding parkinazis, you smile and say, “You’ll pardon me, but I’ve got Stage IV pancreatic cancer. So while I recognize the impropriety of my brazen action, I do say in all candor, F*ck you – deeply and vigorously.” It’s called playing the “I’ll be dead in 4 weeks card.”
  12. You will realize: “We have met the Lord…and it is us.” My God, how did I miss that? I’m as much God as anyone or anything else. Micro Macro. It all coalesces. How did I fail to realize it again – for the 6000th time? This reincarnation thing is getting tedious. Next lifetime, I’m going to participate, but at all hazard, I’m not going to forget this realization. Of course I said that last lifetime too. Oh well, it sure beats having to wait for an AT&T service man – 8-12 my ass. He showed up at 1:30!