Posts Tagged ‘stewardess’

When you’re voluntarily imprisoned in an airliner – buckled up and cinched in, seatback and tray table in the upright and locked position – one’s prevailing reality can change quickly. While you’re optimizing the miserly 11 cubic feet of space you’re allotted, seemingly trivial matters can swell into a wave of overwhelming stuff – a tsunami of tstuff that’s difficult to tsurf. Normally, a stable mentality can calmly navigate these matters. Then there’s me. Who, in this instance, managed to elevate what should’ve been a trivial custodial chore (tossing away a sliver of trash) into a Force 5 psychotic event.

 

 

My Tale of Airborne Angst

There’s something pacifying about having limited choices when airborne. You understand and are even comforted by these boundaries – like how a dog feels in its crate. I’m content to inhabit this space where you don’t have to contend with nagging nuisances. You’re just flying from point A to point B. There’s nothing to fuss over as you relax into your airborne limbo. And due to these pleasantly straitened circumstances, your life becomes simpler and naturally decluttered – like a cerebral cleansing where all the detritus of the day is blown away into the purifying Jetstream.

 

In these high-flying situations of clarity, little things mean a lot – a whole lot. And, in this case, a whole lot became way too much. At least it did for me. Because within this soothing swirl of airborne simplification I began hatching conspiracies where none existed. My susceptible mind became perturbed and, much to my chagrin, a bite-sized quibble, grew into an inedible hunk-a, hunk-a burnin’ hysteria. Allow me to explain.

 

Once upon a time, on a long flight to Maui, I had finished my Snyder’s Pretzel snack (good) and now I had that nasty little bag to discard (bad). Somehow, I failed to notice my flight attendant’s garbage run, as Gale darted down the aisle like a speedy donation collector at a big box church. How could I miss her billowing white Hefty bag signaling it’s time for the flock to donate their wretched refuse? Then again, maybe it was a Glad bag and not a Hefty bag. It all happened so fast I couldn’t be sure, and lord knows I have enough baggage of my own to deal with. Of course, the need for certainty on such a piddling issue like this Glad vs. Hefty baggage meant only one thing: I was deep down a rabbit hole, and my susceptible mind was now officially perturbed. For all I know, the garbage bag Gale whisked by me could’ve been a Kirkland brand. Yup, I was down a rabbit hole deeper than Alice in Wonderland. Pull up Hardiman, pull up!     Read the rest of this entry »

If at the dawn of aviation, cabin crew members were originally called flight attendants instead of stewardesses, the term flight attendant would be viewed as a derogatory term. Yet in a twist of semantics the reverse has happened today whereby the job descriptor stewardess is somehow seen as defamatory and the term flight attendant is viewed as some kind of heroic euphemism, riding in to save the poor stewardesses from belittling job title infamy.

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I do not view the term stewardess as throwing shade at our airborne cabin crew – far from it. I believe the term flight attendant is more derogatory than stewardess. And I further contend that had cabin crew members been called flight attendants originally, there would be a backlash against this disparaging term. I could foresee an anti-flight attendant notion growing in the public mind along these lines; as in, “Oh, so you’re saying these vital members of the cabin crew merely “attend” to things on a flight. Well, how dismissive and demeaning is that?”

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I also speculate that over time, the clamor to alter the demeaning term flight attendant would become loud enough that a public consensus might arise whereby people would agree that we should convey appropriate status on these critical airborne workers. They do much more than merely “attend” to matters of flight. In fact, they superintend and oversee matters vital to the smooth running of a flight 8 miles high at 450 kts. These aren’t hall monitors. They are stewards of air safety, communication and service. They manage the front of the house while pilots manage the back of the house. Yes, aviation can sometimes be compared to a high-flying restaurant and if you’ve ever had the Hummus Snack Tray over Salt Lake City, you know what I’m talking about.

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But what should the flight attendants’ new job title be? Perhaps we should elevate their station by calling them stewardesses and stewards. To me the term “stewardess” better reflects their lofty status and is more respectful than calling them mere “flight attendants.” To me, the job title “flight attendant” is one step removed from “bathroom attendant.” Whereas the job title of steward or stewardess has a more noble cachet, as in: “George Washington was a worthy steward of our nation’s ideals.”

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Of course, as mentioned above, we all understand that when it comes to these aviation job titles, the exact opposite occurred. The supposedly insulting job descriptor “stewardess” has been eschewed and replaced with today’s preferred term “flight attendant.” Even while writing this piece, Microsoft Word kept suggesting I substitute flight attendant where I had used the word stewardess. Clearly, they know which way the semantic winds blow.

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And so, it is for numerous incongruous instances like the one elucidated above, that children think adults are cray cray and shouldn’t really be in charge of anything, let alone making job title rules. Allow me to take a moment to cite some other reasons why kids think adults are cray cray:

• Obviously, there is only one consciousness we all share, but adults have decided to express it in over 10,000 religions…and not one of them wants you to have any fun…except Disney, and they aren’t even tax exempt.
• Everyone agrees that Shakespeare’s plays are magnificent theatrical treasures, but few, if any adults, are actually willing to sit through one. What does that say to Jonas and Kylie?
• Kids also don’t understand why they must learn algebra when they’ll never have to use it…come to think of it, adults think the same thing…so why are we learning it?

I’m a distracted writer who has derailed his own story with talk of kids’ impressions of adult foibles. So let me get back on track here by reiterating that it is a peculiar twist of semantic fate that the term flight attendant has replaced stewardess as the preferred term in referring to a cabin crew member, when it just as easily could’ve been the other way around, if only they were originally called flight attendants.