12 Uplifting Internet Headlines

1. Trump to Nation: I was just doing this to get attention. Now I’m stuck being President. Be careful what you wince for. 

1. Elon Musk to Provide Free Flying Electric Umbrellas to First 100 “Mary Poppins” movie-goers.

1. Flint, Michigan Getting its Spark Back

1. Even if You Forgot the Question, Love is Still the Answer

1. Bend, Oregon Getting Things Straightened Out

1. Costco Surrenders to Popular Demand: “Alright already. We’ll remain in Christmas mode all year round now. We’ll be like a charming little Christmas village…in a big ugly warehouse,” says Mr. Costco

1. Moscow, Idaho to Change Name to Trump, Idaho

1. Shirley MacLaine to be Reincarnated as a Spunky Actress in Next Life: Wait Till You See What She Looks Like Then!

1. Philadelphia, PA admits Mistake: Will Now be Known as Filadelfia. No word yet on Worcestershire, MA.

1. Confused Internet Users Admit: So Much Time to Waste. So Little Time to Do It In.

1. Grilled Cheese Better for the Heart than Once Thought, says Kraft Cardiologist Group

1. Dogs are Really Just Saying Thank You When They Sniff Your Crotch. So are Husbands.