Posts Tagged ‘headlines’
Newspaper Headlines from the 1930s
- Local Bank Stuck Up. Bank manager disagrees. Says employees aren’t pretentious at all.
- Greta Garbo Places Personal Ad. Evidently she no longer vants to be alone.
- Astronomer’s All Agree: Babe Ruth’s Head Couldn’t Possibly Get Any Bigger
- Motion Pictures to be called “Movies”
- Wretched Economic Conditions to be called “The Depression”
- Curious Voters Demand to Know: “Why is FDR Always Sitting?”
- Howard Hughes Starting to Act Weird. Former Housekeeper Says Crawl Spaces Filled with Jars of Urine.
- Sigmund Freud Believes the Depression is Causing depression
- Aviator Charles Lindbergh Crosses…His Mother – Marries Anne Morrow
- Charles Lindbergh Likes to Fly His Plane Fast Against Others. Experts All Agree – He’s a Racist.
- Nazi Germany Becoming a Little Too Well Organized
- Italy Asks: WWMD – What Would Mussolini Do?
- America Asks: What’s the Deal with the New Deal?
- The Beatles Invade New York City. ////I know. It’s from the 60s, but I just love the Beatles.
- Country Loses Productivity as Millions Waste Time Listening to the Wireless
- John Steinbeck Encouraged to Change Book Title from The Wrath of Grapes
- Mickey Mouse Still Wearing a Diaper Despite Being 7 Years Old Now
- Sediment from Dust Bowl Packaged as Ovaltine
- Warren Beatty & Faye Dunaway Born. Will Grow Up to Become Bonnie & Clyde
- Black Speedster Jesse Owens Wins 4 Gold Medals at Berlin Olympics. Indignant Hitler Fills Them with Chocolate.
- Architects Hold Up Bank. Claim it’s the only way to prevent it from sagging.
- Playtex Holds Up Mae West. Claim it’s the only way to prevent her from sagging.
- Archaeologists Begin Search for Eleanor Roosevelt’s Chin.
- Hindenburg Hoax Continues. Dirigible Seen Intact in Stuttgart. “Oh the Duplicity.”
- Miss America Marries Mr. Universe. Gives Birth to Baby Ruth
- Einstein Beginning to Wash Hair in Static Electricity
- Prohibition Ends Today: Entire Country Hungover Tomorrow
- Jazz Music and Marijuana Corrupting America’s Youth. One Must Be Made Illegal!
12 Uplifting Internet Headlines
- Trump to Nation: I was just doing this to get attention. Now I’m stuck being President. Be careful what you wince for.
- Elon Musk to Provide Free Flying Electric Umbrellas to First 100 “Mary Poppins” movie-goers.
- Flint, Michigan Getting its Spark Back
- Even if You Forgot the Question, Love is Still the Answer
- Bend, Oregon Getting Things Straightened Out
- Costco Surrenders to Popular Demand: “Alright already. We’ll remain in Christmas mode all year round now. We’ll be like a charming little Christmas village…in a big ugly warehouse,” says Mr. Costco
- Moscow, Idaho to Change Name to Trump, Idaho
- Shirley MacLaine to be Reincarnated as a Spunky Actress in Next Life: Wait Till You See What She Looks Like Then!
- Philadelphia, PA admits Mistake: Will Now be Known as Filadelfia. No word yet on Worcestershire, MA.
- Confused Internet Users Admit: So Much Time to Waste. So Little Time to Do It In.
- Grilled Cheese Better for the Heart than Once Thought, says Kraft Cardiologist Group
- Dogs are Really Just Saying Thank You When They Sniff Your Crotch. So are Husbands.