Newspaper Headlines from the 1930s

  1. Local Bank Stuck Up. Bank manager disagrees. Says employees aren’t pretentious at all.
  2. Greta Garbo Places Personal Ad. Evidently she no longer vants to be alone.
  3. Astronomer’s All Agree: Babe Ruth’s Head Couldn’t Possibly Get Any Bigger
  4. Motion Pictures to be called “Movies”
  5. Wretched Economic Conditions to be called “The Depression”
  6. Curious Voters Demand to Know: “Why is FDR Always Sitting?”
  7. Howard Hughes Starting to Act Weird. Former Housekeeper Says Crawl Spaces Filled with Jars of Urine.
  8. Sigmund Freud Believes the Depression is Causing depression
  9. Aviator Charles Lindbergh Crosses…His Mother – Marries Anne Morrow
  10. Charles Lindbergh Likes to Fly His Plane Fast Against Others. Experts All Agree – He’s a Racist.
  11. Nazi Germany Becoming a Little Too Well Organized
  12. Italy Asks: WWMD – What Would Mussolini Do?
  13. America Asks: What’s the Deal with the New Deal?
  14. The Beatles Invade New York City. ////I know. It’s from the 60s, but I just love the Beatles.
  15. Country Loses Productivity as Millions Waste Time Listening to the Wireless
  16. John Steinbeck Encouraged to Change Book Title from The Wrath of Grapes
  17. Mickey Mouse Still Wearing a Diaper Despite Being 7 Years Old Now
  18. Sediment from Dust Bowl Packaged as Ovaltine
  19. Warren Beatty & Faye Dunaway Born. Will Grow Up to Become Bonnie & Clyde
  20. Black Speedster Jesse Owens Wins 4 Gold Medals at Berlin Olympics. Indignant Hitler Fills Them with Chocolate.
  21. Architects Hold Up Bank. Claim it’s the only way to prevent it from sagging.
  22. Playtex Holds Up Mae West. Claim it’s the only way to prevent her from sagging.
  23. Archaeologists Begin Search for Eleanor Roosevelt’s Chin.
  24. Hindenburg Hoax Continues. Dirigible Seen Intact in Stuttgart. “Oh the Duplicity.”
  25. Miss America Marries Mr. Universe. Gives Birth to Baby Ruth
  26. Einstein Beginning to Wash Hair in Static Electricity
  27. Prohibition Ends Today: Entire Country Hungover Tomorrow
  28. Jazz Music and Marijuana Corrupting America’s Youth. One Must Be Made Illegal!

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