Books I’d Like to See Written

  1. The Extra Virgin Virgin – If Olive Oil Can be Extra Virgin, Why Can’t People Too?
  2. I Love Talking on the Phone to My Mother: And Other Lies
  3. Moby Richard: The Politically Correct Version of Moby Dick
  4. If You Won’t Trust Me with Your Emu, How Can I Trust You with My Ostrich?
  5. Madame Ovary…. Flaubert’s masterpiece (Madame Bovary) reimagined against a backdrop of menstruation
  6. The Ileum: Homer’s Reworked Epic Poem Takes a Heroic Journey Through His Digestive Tract
  7. Seriously, Is There Anybody Out There Who is Not on the Spectrum?
  8. Falling in Love with Your Type Face: Fonts I Have Cherished
  9. Feeling bookish and bike-ish.

    Hamlet and Eggs: Dr. Seuss Meets Shakespeare

  10. A Thrower in the Oats…. The less successful sequel to A Catcher in the Rye
  11. Sorry Earthlings, I’m Just Not that Evolved Yet: A Young Soul Apologizes for Being So Unenlightened F*cking Stupid
  12. How to Win Friends and Influence Cannibals
  13. Pretty, Pretty Good Expectations…. by Larry David not Charles Dickens
  14. Tommy Quixote: Don’s Little Brother Tilts at Pinball
  15. Can’t Count on Kant: Stories about Immanuel Kant’s Unreliability (May have inspired Better Call Saul)
  16. Catch-99 Luftballons… Even Joseph Heller can’t resist Nena’s “catchy” German song
  17. The Invisible Man…. I don’t see myself reading it
  18. Blades of Leaves…. Whitman’s follow-up to his Leaves of Grass
  19. The Miserables…. American version of Les Misérables
  20. The Very, Very Good Gatsby.… The lesser-known prequel to The Great Gatsby
  21. Sorry, I Thought it was a Drinking Fountain: And Other Bidet Mistakes
  22. The Poetry of Vlad the Impaler…. Such a misunderstood tyrant. The newly rehabilitated Impaler displays his rapier-like verse in pointed ways. The sensitive skewer-master evinces a piercing understanding of the human condition. A great read – why not take a stab at it?
  23. The Greatest Stories Ever Whispered: Pillow Talk at its Juiciest
  24. Someday It’ll be 50 years in the Future: Things I Said 50 Years Ago
  25. We’re All Non-Binary. We’re Just Choosing to Be Binary.
  26. Lit From the Inside: The Karin Hardiman Story (Best Book Ever – Still Being Written)


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