Dave’s Oscar Wrap Party

One of a kind statue. In fact it’s eunuch.

Notes from the Self-congratulatory

  1. Glenn Close lost for Best Supporting Actress. She was close though. She always is. After all, she is Glenn Close.
  2. It was later revealed she declined a marriage proposal from Glen Campbell because she didn’t want to be known as Glenn Campbell.
  3. The rudderless, host-less ceremony had former hosts Bob Hope, Johnny Carson and Billy Crystal spinning in their graves. And even though Billy Crystal is still alive, he was so offended he went out and bought a casket just so he could spin in sympathy with Hope and Carson.
  4. WTPC (Way Too Politically Correct): If you looked closely you could see that all the Oscar statuettes were wearing little tiny masks
  5. In what can only be recognized as the 2nd sign of the apocalypse, the queen of cinema, Meryl Streep was neither nominated nor in attendance. Be worried. Be very worried.
  6. Best Picture winner Nomadland surprised, but did not anger little children, who when asked their thoughts said, “Me surprised, but no mad.”
  7. Maybe I’m getting old (alright I am getting old), but I didn’t know 90% of the attendees in the audience. I’ve never seen so many strangers on camera since they showed a crowd shot of the Super Bowl. Would large print name tags be so god awful?
  8. Sir Anthony Hopkins, who won for Best Actor, was a no-show. Rumour (yes, the English spelling)…Rumour has it he was holed-up with Ms. Streep. Now I’m just in outright panic mode.
  9. I propose next year’s show be more of an extravaganza hosted by the descendants of Hollywood mogul Louis B Mayer. That way it would be an Oscar-Mayer production. Hot Dog! Now I’m in picnic mode.

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