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Posts Tagged ‘cop’

A Mellow Gets Harshed, Big Time

In my pot-smoking days of the early 1970’s marijuana was a lot like Tupperware – it was passed around at parties and purchased with great enthusiasm. Pot was so pervasive back then, all you had to do was breathe in and there was a chance you’d get high. Some people didn’t want to take that chance. They were fearful of this “reefer madness.” Then they’d try it, and suddenly, it was reefer gladness. Their transformation was not done with smoke and mirrors – it was just smoke.   

 

From ages 10-14 I partook of the giggle smoke whenever my elders were around. Now these weren’t parental-type elders. These were just elders who were older than me – older than David-the-Younger. Older, and more importantly, they had pot. It was like elders with benefits. The 1970s were a less judgmental time when you shared what you had without distinction of rank or age (thank you very much Woodstock generation). And from almost 50 years hence I recognize the following strange story might give the impression I’m high right now. I’m not. Except for a few salmon, David-the-Elder hasn’t smoked anything in decades.

 

In revisiting my cannabis memories, I’ve reanimated that familiar fuzzy state and in the process activated one mother of a flashback. In this case it’s a harrowing incident I’d like to share with you – an incident that is a constant reminder of the importance of choosing the right parents. Of course, as far as I can tell, children have never been consulted on the matter, so it’s a moot point. But what’s a valid point is that you have to play the hand you’re dealt: or, more specifically, the body and circumstances you’re born into. Once the veil comes down…Game On. And this episode I present is just one volley in that game.

 

This flashback has enduring power and has taught me to practice eternal vigilance. It’s not that I’m forever suspicious, I just try to be aware of my local circumstances – to see around the corners of my actions and anticipate their consequences. And although this bizarre yet authentic tale may sound like the product of a THC-influenced imagination, I once again assure you, David-the-Elder has NOT been smoking anything mind expanding – unless you want to count the salmon. But remember, no matter how much salmon you smoke, it’s just waist-expanding, not mind-expanding. Read the rest of this entry »

New Netflix Cop Shows Reviewed

  1. Law and Order LGBTQ: The show is very complicated. No one can seem to keep it straight.

 

  1. NYPD Bleu: New York’s finest fight crime in Paris. As you’d expect, NYPD Bleu is kind of cheesy. NYPD Bleu is recommended for viewers fromage 16 and up.

    That world weary look of $550K per episode.

 

  1. From the producers of Dragnet comes AquaNet – a police drama made especially for women with unmanageable hair. AquaNet takes a deep dive into the murky waters of criminality. Perpetrators are pulled from the water looking like drowned rats while the lady cops who collared them emerge with perfectly coiffed hair.

 

  1. From the producers of Adam-12 comes Eve-13, another law-enforcement show just for women: At first they were just ribbing the makers of Adam-12 to allow for a spin-off, and eventually Eve-13 was created from Adam’s ribbing. Adam-12 & Eve-13 are often shown back to back, although they’re usually found in the Missionary position. Either way it’s awfully sinful.

 

  1. Bobbies: A very English cop show where the city of Staffordshire only hires constables named Robert. In this way all the Bobbies are Bobby’s. Where’s a Bobby when you need one? – in the Staffordshire Police Dept.

 

  1. From the makers of Reno 9-1-1 comes Reno 4-1-1 – This show blows the lid off the steamy underworld of Directory Assistance Operators…and the men who love them. Some watch it and say, “More information please.” Others watch and say, “Whoa, TMI.”

 

  1. The Po-po in NOLA: A New Orleans-based crime drama where the Lou-siana po-po eat po’ boy while policing. Rogue officers are accused of locking-up criminals in Cajuns. This is considered a Creole and Unusual punishment. Many viewers feel like they’ve seen this show before saying, “Beignet, done that.”

 

  1. A new take on prison life is called Mechanical Fasteners in the Prison Workshop: This show is riveting – literally.

 

  1. Ford Explorer SUV: Not really a cop show. Just an infomercial for the venerable Ford Explorer Sport Utility Vehicle. Many dyslexics mistake the title Law and Order: SVU for Ford Explorer SUV.

 

  1. Placebo Police: Actors pretending to be police, fight and defeat criminals but only because the criminals believe the Police are real.

 

  1. Who Stole My Stoll?: First World crime problems for wealthy victims. The original title was Who Scarfed My Scarf

 

  1. Francis Ford’s Cop-ola: The crime-infested town of Corleone, Italy hires the mafia to run its police dept. In 1 week the crime rate drops to zero. Original title: A-cop-alypse Now!