Posts Tagged ‘dead’
Observations, Exaltations and Regrets from the Dearly Departed
Picture yourself standing on the grave, reading each one for the first time
- If You Lived Here You’d Be Home Already
- You should see the other guy
- Would you please go online and give Crandall Funeral Home 1 star on Yelp! They put me in here face down?
- What am I supposed to do now? Asking for a friend.
- Damn! I still had 7 shows left in my Netflix cue
- Here lies Beethoven. He was a great composer. Now I guess he’ll be a great decomposer.
- What? No cup holders! And they call this an afterlife.
- Just so you know, my coffin’s wood was harvested from sustainable forests and made by workers paid a living wage. OK. Now, I can RIP.
- If you’re reading this, would you mind get off my spleen?
- I know what you did last summer. And that’s why you weren’t in the will.
- I couldn’t afford this coffin, but what are they going to do – repossess it. The used casket market is dead.
- Life is too important to be taken seriously. Death, on the other hand, offers some very serious closure.
- If you think about it “The Sound of Music” was a really good movie, with a really stupid title.
- All part of the plan. Breathe very easy and I’ll see ya soon. Oh, and bring cup holders.
- We all here don’t push up daisies. They just naturally grow toward the sun.
- (I kept procrastinating and I died before I could formulate an epitaph)
- Whether you’re for or against Capital Punishment, we all eventually get the death penalty.
- It’s nice being able to sleep in
- It’s true. You can’t take it with you.
- Surprise! You don’t need to take it with you. It’s all here – except cup holders.
- I mean yeah, I’m dead, but I’m not dead dead.
- I wish they knew I was only kidding when I said I wanted to be buried with my cat.
- As a cremain I’m dating some really smokin’ “cinder-ellas” here. Why not, I urned it
- Reaching puberty was great and everything, but the rest of it…I don’t know
- Just so you know, God is in the process of “sorting’em out.”
- Well, that was a long way to go to make a point…And the point was?
- The first words everybody says here are, “I don’t believe it. Wow! I finally get it. How did I miss that?”