Posts Tagged ‘fake’

1. What do you call fake Vietnamese soup? – Faux Pho
2. What do you call fake witchcraft? – Bogus Hocus-Pocus
3. Which craft is the source of sorcery? – Witchcraft
4. What do you call fake cold cuts? – Phony Bologna
5. What do you call silly chatter on a cell call? – Phone-y Baloney
6. What do you call the distance from the sun to the earth? – 1 Astronomical Unit (Not all of these are supposed to be funny folks)
7. When does a thing become a thing? – When Larry David says so
8. If Larry David was dyslexic, would he be David Larry? – Bropably
9. What would happen if everyone was named Otto? – Otto know.
10. Is it extra difficult for claustrophobic gay people to be closeted? – Otto know.

And finally, this Pee Wee Herman quote sums it all up:

“There’s a lotta things about me you don’t know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand.”

This is a thing – really? Yes, really.

Ombudsmandry Throughout the Ages

by Frank Knarf

St. Albans Press, 341 pp., $55.00

In Frank Knarf’s bracingly inconsequential book Ombudsmandry Throughout the Ages, within the span of 3 pages the author tells us everything we’d ever want to know about ombudsmen. How he manged to concoct another 338 pages on such an esoteric topic I’ll never know. This is not an overly long book. Crime and Punishment was a long book. This book makes eternity look like a coffee break. To read beyond page 10 is a crime. To read beyond page 20 is both a crime and punishment. At least the middle section has centerfolds of historic figures like Attila the Ombudsman, Vlad the Ompaler and Donny and Marie Ombuds. Ombudsmandry Throughout the Ages is a tough read. In controlled clinical trials, professional scholars have attempted to “binge-read” the book and in all cases have suffered spontaneous narcolepsy or herniated cerebrums. It simply can’t be read at a sitting and I’m at a loss as to why St. Albans Press decided to publish it instead of the more titillating Hunter-Douglass corporately-sponsored catalog titled 50 Shades of Shades.   Read the rest of this entry »