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Posts Tagged ‘fire’

Become a Crematorium Operator. It’s the Undertaking of a Lifetime.

If you have a burning desire to relieve the anguish of bereaved families, consider a career as an Ignition Mortician. If you value hefty profits, nifty puns and lethal clichés explore a career where your goal is to fire people every day.

These days crematoriums are hip and cool-ish for the ghoulish who wish to perish anguish.  

Crematorium Franchise Bullet Points

  • Experience the job satisfaction of watching your best work go up in smoke
  • Job Burnout? Not a problem. In fact, it’s encouraged.
  • Job Security? Not a problem. In fact, you get to fire people regularly.
  • Urn while you Burn
  • Enjoy killer benefits and clients with smokin’ hot bodies 
  • Did you know you’re not supposed to cremate bodies in months that have “embers” in them?
  • Job interviews are very thorough, but don’t worry, you won’t be grilled

Crematoriums – They’re the toast of the town.


Consider the Crematorium Franchise that’s Your Best Match


  1. Return to Cinder – Is there a better way to say, “Elvis has left the building?” Than to say ♫Return to Cinder♫
  2. Bereaved, Bothered and Bewildered – Helps families to grieve against a backdrop of Cole Porter music. Reviewers say ♫It’s De-Lovely, It’s De-lightful♫
  3. Dust in the Wind Crematorium – Very popular in Kansas
  4. Good Humor Ice Crematorium – Maybe it’s in bad humor, but the cone-shaped urns are available in waffle or wafer
  5. Burning Man – Go out in a blaze of artistic self-expression in this final bonfire of the vanities. Ensure your funeral rite doesn’t go wrong by designing your own signifying pyre.
  6. Next of Kin-dling – Popular with kinfolk in Appalachia
  7. Don’t Ash, Don’t Tell – Have yourself anonymously cremated. What happens at Don’t Ash, Don’t Tell, stays at Don’t Ash, Don’t Tell.
  8. Char Ming – Dynastic Chinese families crematorium of choice. Cremains returned in a little to-go urn.
  9. Cremains of the Day – Designed to meet the funerary needs of literary aficionados
  10. Blackened Blue Fish – Designed to meet the funerary needs of fish afishionados who’ve lost a tropical pet fish
  11. The Uranus Society – Competes with the more established Neptune Society. As one might expect, the Uranus Society is a pain in the ash.


Don’t delay. Your future cremains to be seen.

If you’ve been carrying a torch for crematoriums, rekindle that old flame with a hot, new franchise. Again, in the words of Elvis: Crematoriums are Just a hunk-a-hunk-a burning love

Cremation: Think of it as a different kind of Tinder

We look forward to hearing from you (even though we haven’t mentioned how to get in touch with us).

We’ll keep a candle burning for you in the window.