Posts Tagged ‘Grandma’

We asked 28 Socially Distant Grandchildren, “What name do you call your grandmother when she’s not around?” Their responses and explanations proved startling:

  1. 130 is the new 75. Former Fine Arts professor Agatha Cranston studied Cezanne – in person.

    Nana with the See-thru Hands – She’s the best, but at this point she’s like looking at an X-ray

  2. Insta-Gram – It’s what I called my new grandma when I was first adopted into the family
  3. My Inheritance – I love her and everything but c’mon, daddy needs a new Honda
  4. Crystal Methuselah – She’s very old and she used to have a little drug problem
  5. Prunella – Oh my sweet and shriveled Nana. Why must you age?
  6. Grammykins – My cuddly name for her. Especially if the Grammys are on that night.
  7. Glam-Ma – She’s still very good-looking. Some friends even tell me she’s a GMILF. Whatever that is.
  8. Milky-Eyed Matriarch – I mean whoa…”Got Grandma?”
  9. Smells like Geriatric Spirit – Just applying the Nirvana classic to Granny’s unique aroma
  10. Runs with Depends – What I call my active Navajo Indian grandmother who likes to jog
  11. GrAnnie Oakley – She’s a big 2nd amendment supporter. It’s like “Granny get your gun.”
  12. Still Life with a Heartbeat – She’s a former Fine Arts professor who once studied Cezanne – in person!
  13. Gramnesia – She sometimes forgets who I am.
  14. Grandmummy – It’s what I call my Egyptian grandma
  15. Make Nonni Great Again – She’s losing it and she loves Trump.
  16. Nonni Nonni Luftballoons – My German grandma’s whose last name is actually Luftballoon
  17. Gram Cracker – Grandma is from the deep South and she holds certain antiquated prejudices
  18. Ba-Nana – Her first name Barbara, and she’s a grandma…you do the math.
  19. Grandpa – You know how Grandmas tend to grow those chin hairs with age?
  20. Kombucha Babushka – My Russian Grandma who drinks healthy beverages
  21. ♫Hold Your Head Up, Woman♫ – What can I say? The dear woman’s head lolls to one side.
  22. Catena with the Flaring Nostrils – I wish it were different, but she ain’t exactly ♫Nancy with the Laughing Face♫
  23. Baba Ganoush – Well, her last name is actually Ganoush, and she likes the eggplant spread too.
  24. Drama Grama – She used to teach acting classes so I thought the name fitting
  25. My Favorite Neanderthal – She’s really old. Anthropologically old. She still calls the continents Pangea; and Jesus as, “That nice boy from Nazareth.”
  26. That musty old woman who once stuck her tongue down my throat – Thank God she was only a Step-Grandmother and not blood.
  27. Candy Dish of Interconnected Sweets – So what if she kept an old, dusty dish of hard candy around that, over the years, metastasized into one benign aggregate mass of candy. When she grew up, the woman had no candy.
  28. Blue Hair with Feathers – My Cherokee Indian grandmother after the beauty parlor