infirmities | davidhardiman.com

Posts Tagged ‘infirmities’

These Will Tickle Your Punny Bone: Oxymoronic Infirmities

  1. Ailing insomniac sick and tired of being sick and tired
  2. Pregnant mothers who use Amazon Prime Obstetricians, don’t have to pay the delivery charge
  3. Podiatrist fears he’ll be just a footnote in history
  4. Cardiologist doesn’t have the heart to finish a transplant. Apparently someone stole the package left outside the operating room door.
  5. “Thanks doctor, for taking the stethoscope out of the freezer before using it on me.”

    Deranged woman pursues romance only with Podiatrists. Authorities say she’s a Podophile.

  6. Gastroenterologist who lacks intestinal fortitude is as spineless as a cowardly chiropractor
  7. Neurologist tells patients it’s all in their head
  8. Schizophrenic is at two with nature
  9. Eminent doctor loses license for having sex with patients. It’s shame because he was one of the best veterinarians in the state.
  10. Esoteric reference: Laugh-In fanatic cannot differentiate between Artie Johnson and Henry Gibson
  11. Guy on ventilator sorry he snapped at nurse. Says he was just venting.
  12. Psychiatrist who told patient, “It’s all in your head” went to same school as the Neurologist
  13. Reference #10: I think Henry Gibson did those poems and Artie Johnson was that German soldier behind the plant.
  14. A really good fit? Female Urologist marries male OB/GYN. Families say they’re made for each other.
  15. Ophthalmologist lacks focus. Can’t see his way clearly. Unable to read between the lines. Especially the ones with EZCD
  16. Dermatologists’ understanding of the human body is only skin deep
  17. It Can’t be Explained: Prominent Internist is clearly extroverted
  18. Nephrologist puts band-aid on kid’s knee, even though kidneys, and not kids’ knees, are his specialty
  19. Anti-Vaxxers who inoculate themselves with falsehoods aren’t immune from criticism
  20. Urologist is pissed his confused patient doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going
  21. Otolaryngologist doesn’t know what he specializes in. Just tells patients to hydrate.
  22. Meaningless Irony: Radiologist loses FM signal on lonely highway. This happened early in the AM.
  23. Rheumatologist says mancave is his favorite rheum in the house
  24. Grim Reaper has “had it” with 253-year-old procrastinator who keeps putting him off.
  25. Homeopath reminds patients, “We’re not gay. It just sounds like we are.” Seinfeld Disclaimer: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
  26. Osteopath vows to bone up on humorous…things
  27. Death of the Party? – Boring anesthesiologist puts everyone to sleep with his tranquilizing stories
  28. Uncredentialed Baby Doctor who says he’s, “this many fingers” old, is taken back to the orphanage
  29. This is the last of the “ember” months till next Fall. Try to remember the kind of September, by raking the embers to keep the home fires burning. I’ll be looking for your light.