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Posts Tagged ‘lazy’

Worthwhile List of Funny Things I’m too Lazy to Organize

  1. A triumvirate of university zoologists claim to have discovered a 3-humped camel. The discovery, of course, happened on a Wednesday. How they knew the camel had been humped 3 times is currently under police investigation.
  2. Meanwhile Egyptologists are a little suspicious of Pharaoh Ramses II’s exhibit on tour in North America. They’ve discovered a hieroglyph that clearly translates as “Sorry, I left the Clamato Juice in the Oldsmobile.”
  3. Love the Undo button in Microsoft Word. Now if only there was one for real life.
  4. Actually I’m not “too lazy to organize this list.” I’m just honoring my incarnation. Yeah that’s it. Honoring my incarnation. I do that a lot lately. Especially as an excuse to stuff leftover bits into an eclectic assortment of ideas.
  5. Man claims to have never once picked his nose. “It’s true” he said. “Not once. Maybe 1000 times but certainly not once.”
  6. The trend of specialty retailing has become ubiquitous (thank you very much For example Popeye’s is test marketing a new restaurant called Chicken for White People. It features half the spices and none of the fun.
  7. In the San Francisco area, Burger King is micro-marketing Burger Queen’s. This extravagantly decorated restaurant sports…oh, never mind what it sports. The point is, the buns are more shapely than ever. And you can get a Whopper with 2 Patties: Patty Longo and Patty Sherman.
  8. In the Bay Area, Karl Mender’s Collision Centers are offering 20% off on car repairs to anyone transitioning from one sex to another – it’s called Mender’s Gender Fender Bender discount.
  9. The E-I-E-I-O corporation has purchased old restaurants from MacDonald’s and has retro-decorated them into Old MacDonald’s restaurants, for seniors who had a farm. They say it’s a can’t miss farm to table concept. With a couscous here and a couscous there. Here a cous. There a cous. Everywhere a couscous
  10. Vascular Profiling? Studies show that minorities are subject to more Cardiac Arrests than whites. Clearly the Stop and Defibrillate policy saves lives, but is it trampling the rights of minority heart attack victims?
  11. New Olympic Demonstration Sports
    1. Competitive Eating (followed by)
    2. Competitive Projectile Vomiting
  12. Greeks I have known: Diabetes, Erroneous Views, PlayDoh, Soccer Tees, A Wrist Tottle and, of course, Osgood Drury
  13. It’s less difficult to graduate from most colleges, than it is to find a parking spot near class
  14. PU (Pace University) is on financial life support. A Pacemaker was installed and Pace has been told to make peace with its donors. William Makepeace Thackery is helping with hospice.
  15. I sometimes read books cover to cover, and nothing in between. How else am I going to judge it?
  16. I’ve wondered where my iPhone was…while it’s been in my hand and I was using it.
  17. This Day on Earth: Today approx. 150,000 people will die. Approx. 50,000 people will experience their first orgasm. 99% of them will be men. Men are pigs.