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How the World Would be Different if Everybody Looked Like Karl Malden

  1. Self e-face-ing?

    The birth rate would drop to 0

  2. You’d hear a lot more “Y’know, you remind me of somebody”
  3. People would be a lot nosier
  4. 10 Most Wanted Posters would generate a lot of false positives
  5. It would’ve been a lot easier to chisel Mount Rushmore
  6. Spice Girls a lot less popular
  7. In the TV show Streets of San Francisco, it’d be real hard to tell Karl Malden from Michael Douglas
  8. Stunt doubles would no longer have to hide their faces
  9. There’d be no cute Beatle
  10. Christianity in jeopardy. Worshipers would find it hard to pray to Karl Malden.
  11. We’d all have faces only a mother could love
  12. Porn industry would come to a screeching halt
  13. The Phantom of the Opera wouldn’t bother with a mask
  14. 90% of doctors would go into rhinoplasty.
  15. Stocks of facial recognition companies would tank
  16. The movie Titanic would definitely lose its edge
  17. Police sketch artists…out of business
  18. Interest in Kate Upton would drop significantly.
  19. And of course, Chuck Norris would still look like Chuck Norris