Posts Tagged ‘murder’

In some early episodes, Culp’s ties could be 7 inches wide.

Robert Culp was a guest-murderer on Colombo in 4 different episodes. And even though he was serving 4 consecutive life sentences for those murders, each time he was somehow released only to murder again. For God’s sake man, who was overseeing his probation – his agent?

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When will we learn to lock up and throw away the script on these make-believe TV murderers so they’ll never pretend-murder again. Won’t someone take responsibility for Robert Culp’s crimes and admit, “Mea Culp-a.”

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Robert Culp is not the only actor to kill again and again. I’m looking at you Patrick McGoohan, Sir Anthony Hopkins and Norman Bates. My thoughts and prayers go out to all the actors and actresses whose parts were cut short, snuffed-out if you will, by the deadly scripts of unfeeling screenwriters.

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Fortunately, Robert Culp has passed on to that great casting couch in the sky where he is no longer able to cut short the parts of deserving actors who’ve been written out of scripts all too early because of his murderous handiwork. Instead, Robert Culp is now being driven crazy by deceased Peter Falk’s Columbo character following him around and relentlessly pestering him: “Aah, there’s just one more thing Bob…”

They’re magically delicious. Oops! That’s Lucky Charms.

1. Murdering musician Herb Alpert: Herbicide
2. Murdering TV host Pat Sajak: P_tr_c_de
3. When you really mean to throw away your old mattress, but you accidentally kill your mother instead: Mattress-cide
4. When you want to end it all to be with Jim Morrison: Break on Through to the Othercide

4.5 When you kill Raymond Burr: Ironcide
4.8 When you cause Cy Durr’s hard apple cider poisoning: Cy Durr’s Cidercide
5. When you refuse to have your salad dressings brought separately: On the Sidecide
6. When Geno from the pizzeria really pisses you off: Genocide

This killer list was inspired by Crunch Berries – the psychoactive substance in Captain Crunch cereal