Posts Tagged ‘ponzi’

Money is, if not the root of all evil, certainly the soil of all evil. Here we see a formerly happy sapling weighed down by financial considerations.

It is a little known fact that Jesus Christ almost missed the Last Supper because of a jury summons. He was invariably rejected by the court because of his “I cannot judge thee, lest I be judged” sentiments. If only he’d been selected he might have lived longer and we’d all be coloring Easter eggs in July. Jesus was well ahead of his time. Before Christ it was like BC. His carbon footprint was practically zero. In fact when he walked on the beach he had no footprints at all. Sometimes I think (and I’m not alone on this) the man was a God. But how does Jesus’ experience relate to me? Well looking back I too would’ve done great things if a jury hadn’t gotten in my way. Who do they think they are – my peers? I mean judge not lest ye too operated a Ponzi Scheme. 

I, Sonny Upside, deserved better. Having received several offshore diplomas, I was knowledgeable, persuasive, and seemingly disinterested enough to evince an aura of certainty around whatever financial scheme I proposed. Investors wanted sure things in their wanton lives and I gave it to them by promising them not millions, but thousands in easy profits. Reasonable enough – right? My actuarially-tuned asset allocation strategy was shiftily constructed of hypes and dreams. It all seemed ironclad enough until Mr. IRS and Lady SEC started nosing around my second set of books. They said I should’ve done better crunching the numbers. Well if hindsight is 20/20, then embezzling is 10 to 20. Read the rest of this entry »