pumpkin | davidhardiman.com

All Hallows’ Eve Approaches and I Celebrate It in All Its Ghoulishness

October 22nd, 2021 |

Author: David Hardiman

The offspring of a Smiley Face, a Pumpkin and a Kool-Aid pitcher participating in a ménage a trois.

1. Pumpkin Spice – The most seasonal of the Spice Girls

2. Maize Maze – What they call a corn maze on the reservation

3. Smell My Feet – The foul sequel to “Trick or Treat”

4. In Hungary Halloween is not ghoulish. It’s goulash. It’s a very goulash holiday. Of course in Hungary the get a lot of things ass backwards. They believe Buddha was a pest. Even named their Capitol after him.

5. Halloween is secretly supported by the American Dental Association where 5 out of 5 dentists surveyed recommend Halloween candy for their patients who are able to write a check.

6. My heart bursts with joy when a bewildered 3 year old, dressed in an oversized Spiderman costume and out on their first trick or treat escapade comes to my door with their pillow case open and just blankly stares at me until they finally turn to their parents and say, “Line?” And then the parents whisper, “Trick or Treat.” Priceless.