Posts Tagged ‘Russian’

Professor Steals God’s Identity. Claims, “Takes one to know one.”

Who's creating whom? Who’s creating whom?

Identity theft, long thought to have victimized only earthlings with good credit scores, has smote our dear Lord. The Lord tweeted to his followers (which is everyone, except atheists) that he regrets any inconvenience to his children, but that he’s not responsible for the karmic debts rung up by his impostor. The credit firm Equifax immediately downgraded the Lord’s credit rating to Cash Only stating, “We recognize that our Creator is probably too big to fail, however, until his true identity is sorted out, it would be advisable for anyone doing business with the Almighty to do so on a Cash Only basis because right now, we don’t know him from Adam. His credit rating will be restored when Chuck Norris OKs it. Our exasperated Lord was heard muttering, “I may be able to move Heaven and Earth, but try getting your credit score upgraded – that takes an act of Norris.” Read the rest of this entry »

A Passion for Apathy

The Garden of Earthly Delights in liquid form. The Garden of Earthly Delights in liquid form.

The title begs the question; why would anyone even care about a story like this? A story that leads us not into temptation, but delivers us from Applebee’s.  A story that promises to illuminate the ancient chords of connectivity that beautifully bind us into a network of happy users with unlimited carryover minutes. Don’t you see? It’s always been about the size of your bandwidth. And he who encompasses the greatest spectrum is able to realize the most elevated experiences – many of which are now available in HD.  

These deeper experiences can all be yours if your passion for apathy inspires you to such inactivity. It’s true and this has been proven by numerous people who’ve never had near-death experiences. In fact, most of them aren’t even having near-life experiences right now. And it is their lethargy that has made all the indifference in the world.  I’m referring to the kind of folks who just post other people’s quips on Facebook. The kind of people who blithely agree with convention because…well just because it’s a known quantity. Oh sure they say they do their laundry down by the river with rocks and lye, but secretly they just throw their clothes in the dishwasher like everybody else. It’s like my genetically modified mother used to say, “This Herbal Essence Shampoo smells so good and will go great with the lamb chops I threw in the dishwasher.” Read the rest of this entry »