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Super Bowl XXVIII Promotional Ideas

 

  1. The National Holiday we don’t get a day of for (beautiful grammar there). 

    National Anthem sung by William Shatner

  2. Halftime reenactment of Washington crossing the Delaware
  3. Bring a smelt. Get a smelt. (Up to 5)
  4. Knack tribute band performs “My Sharona”
  5. Clothing Optional seating area
  6. Larry Csonka moustache shave for charity
  7. Goal Posts 3 feet wide
  8. YouTube clip of Lucy lighting her nose on fire
  9. Between 1st and 2nd quarter, fans to participate in 10-minute hymnal of “Bringing in the Sheaves”

HALFTIME

  1. Helium rich environment so QB cadences sound like Mickey Mouse
  2. Competitive Pork Rind (pigskin) eating contest
  3. Smoking allowed for a change
  4. Hologram of Pete Rozelle trying to pronounce name of Panthers RB Tshiminga Biakabutuka
  5. Tom Cruise rappels down from scoreboard
  6. Kim Kardashian’s Big Ass slide show
  7. All private boxes open to the public
  8. Pet friendly event
  9. First 3000 fans get an above ground pool

Oh, I could go on and on. I already have.

The Poppins’ Subterfuge Exposed

Applying Pig Latin to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is a waste of time.
I mean you can say, “upercalifragilisticexpialidocious-Sa” but you can’t really disguise the fact that it’s still Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious you’re trying to camouflage.

Cold War spies are dead because they failed to heed this truism.