Posts Tagged ‘unpopular’

Little Known and Infrequently Celebrated Holidays

  1. Great Great Great Grandmothers’ Day – Not nearly as popular as Great Great Grandmothers’ Day
  2. Amnesia Awareness Day – The day when you bring your amnesiac a bouquet of Forget-me-nots.
  3. Indigenous Twinkies Day – Celebrates Native Twinkies that once inhabited grocery store shelves before waves of predatory Twinkies invaded our stores. This day is a time to reflect on the harsh methods employed by the Invasive Twinkies in oppressing the Indigenous Twinkies. It’s all part of the cross-disciplinary field known as Critical Twinkie Theory.
  4. Doris Day Day – Sometimes combined with Susan Dey Day and Sandra Day O’Connor Day.
  5. Baby Toe Appreciation Day – Why not give the l’il fellow a day of recognition to go wee wee wee all the way home?
  6. Siamese Twins Separation Day – Traditionally celebrated with a banana split
  7. Nostril Appreciation Day – Without these twin orifices we’d just be a bunch of mouth breathers.
  8. Amtrak Appreciation Day – Who doesn’t appreciate train travel…everyone
  9. Unrefrigerated Mayonnaise Day – A celebration of the brown-tipped edges of room temperature mayo. Usually sitting out on the counter next to the warm and very spreadable butter.
  10. Root Canal Appreciation Day – AKA Masochist Celebration Day
  11. Tony Danza Appreciation Day – I’d rather have Tony Danza and not need him, than not have Tony Danza and need him.

And Finally…

       Orgasm Appreciation Day – Isn’t it ironic that this Day only comes once a year?


Top Ten Least Popular Websites

  1.  Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald – The guy, and not the ship
    2. Clumping Litter for Humans – Really? Yes Really. Features stylish Rubbermaid litter boxes the size of storage sheds scooped out by customized Bobcats. A bad idea impeccably executed. 
    3. That Better Be Melted Chocolate – Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t. Ewwwww!
    4. Hospice Bloopers – Ask the guy that’s been a patient for 9 years
    5. The Other Mannequin Challenge – We follow the exploits of introverted and nerdy high schooler Osgood Fillmore as he attempts to take his longtime mannequin and not-so-imaginary playmate, Mindy to the prom and pass her off as his date. OK, I’ll grant you the slow dance was precious, but the making-out part in the back seat afterward left me as unmoved as Mindy. 
    6. Fish Pedicure Salon Cam – Extreme close-ups of these deranged little fish “voluntarily” eating away the dead skin found on customers’ feet in order to obtain the only nourishment they’ll ever receive. Plus there’s no privacy. They have to live their entire life in a fishbowl. 
    7. Honey Bucket Ice Challenge – Hijinks ensue when the usual ice is replaced with waste from Honey Buckets used at the Coachella Festival. I mean on the one hand it raises a lot of money, but on the other, it raises a lot of questions.
    8. Words That Have 3 Consecutive Dotted Letters – Hijinks ensue when the word hijinks is discovered to have 3 consecutive dotted letters. For obvious reasons, it is suspected the website originates from either Beijing or Fiji. In a performance art video they line up 3 consecutive Dorothys and say, “Dot, Dot, Dot.” 
    9. End Stage Milk Cartons – Pictures of milk containers that have only a few days left before they expire. Very poignant in a lactose tolerant whey.
    10. Geriatric Undergarments – An intimate and unnecessary look into the laundry hampers of octogenarians

Life Proving Increasingly Unpopular

"But I thought..."

“But I thought…”

Despite exhibiting a grudging appreciation for today’s modern conveniences, many citizens have increasingly displayed a jaded resignation over the nauseating predictability of life’s uncontrollable events.

The Good

For example, going to a Jim Gaffigan comedy show should be great fun. And it is at one level, but attending this costly yuk fest is likely to break the bank and give you a not-so-humorous compound fracture of the funny bone. With all the attendant expenses this jaunty night out amounts to a $700 happening – $800 when you include convenience fees (that’s a euphemism for price gouging). The entire experience leaves one feeling like a cash cow that’s been milked of every cent in its pendulous udder. What was supposed to be a happy little yuk fest morphed into an expensive little yuck fest. Having unknown middlemen’s hands all up in your bursar sac is a violation of your private pouch and an affront to consensual purchases. It’s not so funny when your purse strings are plucked by innumerable unseen offenders who fantasize about anonymously tugging at your financial teat. All this for a comedy show?  – Hah, very funny. I don’t get it. And this is something people volunteer to do. Read the rest of this entry »