Adages Upended and Amended

  1. Keep your friends close and your enemas closer
  2. Better late than pregnant
  3. Damn the torpedoes, and get me some scratch-offs
  4. It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for persimmons
  5. Some curse the darkness. Others light a fart.
  6. John Waters runs deep

    One good David deserves an audience.

  7. God helps those who wash behind their ears
  8. I’m only moderately clean – I’m just Spic
  9. If I said you looked like something that slid of a mud flap, would you hold it against me?
  10. I’m only moderately clean – I’m just Span
  11. OCD’s Lament: Measure 43 times, cut once.
  12. I’m only moderately clean. I’m not next to godliness, but I’m close.
  13. Epidermis is only skin deep
  14. Blood is redder than water
  15. Man doth not live by Ramen alone
  16. I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy
  17. Sometimes you have to fight marshmallows with marshmallows
  18. Actually I was just whistlin’ Dixie
  19. Cataracts are in the eye of the beholder
  20. Cataracts are in the falls of many rivers
  21. Cadillacs are in the garages of their owners
  22. We have met the enemy; and it’s Gretchen
  23. Forgive me, but amnesty is the best policy
  24. One good turn deserves a reach around
  25. Dove is blind. It’s also ¼ cleansing cream.
  26. Actions speak louder than Gilbert Gottfried
  27. Funny is the root of all anvils
  28. Peeing is believing
  29. When in room do as the roomans
  30. Absinthe makes the wart grow fungus
  31. The Golden Rule. Not amendable. Just practice it and you’ll do fine.


Rejected Attempts

  • A fishing net is worth a thousand worms
  • A day without sunshine is like night
  • You are what you toast
  • The shortest distance between 2 pimps is a whore
  • You’re through buying music…until the next format is invented
  • Great minds think
  • Haste makes waste and Nabisco makes Oreos
  • Tax evasion is the sincerest form of thievery
  • You can pick your nose, You can pick your friends, But you can’t carry forth non-depreciable tax items from the previous tax year

Comments are closed.