Books That Should Never Have Been Published

Books That Should Never Have Been Published

  1. 50 Shades of Windows: The X-Rated Microsoft Office Story
  2. You Wouldn’t Know a Left Hook if It Hit You in the Face…and other Non-Sequiturs
  3. “You are what your record says you are”: The Collected Wisdom of Coach William Parcells
  4. Servant Gossip: How Laundry Hampers Hamper Help from Airing Their Dirty Laundry
  5. The Sequel to “How the States Got Their Shape” entitled “How William ‘Refrigerator’ Perry Got His Shape”
  6. They’re There to Bother You: Why the Prongs on a Plug are of Different Widths
  7. They’re There to Bother Ewes: Why Rams Exist
  8. Brilliant Insights That Will Completely Change Your Life…for About a Day and a Half, Then It’s Back to the Same Old Grind
  9. Never Leave #9 Blank, and Other Perilous Omissions
  10. How Can a 90° Angle be So Right When It Feels So Wrong?
  11. Say Yes to the Dress: How Can a Sarong Fit So Tight When It Feels Sarong?
  12. Orville and Wilbur Were Never Wrong Because They Were Always Wright
  13. “I know how a thermostat works”: Lies You Tell Your Wife when you wake Up and Its 83° in the Bedroom
  14. “I know what a right angle is”: Lies You Tell Your Math Professor when he Measures Your Right Angle and Its 83°
  15. I Never Watch Wheel of Fortune, Eat at McDonalds or Suck the Tip Off a Can of Whipped Cream After I Use It and Other Things I Lie About
  16. If the Fact That We’re All Going to Die, Lose Everything and Not Know Where We’re Going Afterwards Doesn’t Bother You, Then OK, I’ll Play Along and Not Panic Either: On Succumbing to the Peer Pressure of Healthy Coping Mechanisms
  17. I Don’t Care Who Matthew Broderick Thinks He Is, He’ll Always be Ferris Bueller to Me
  18. I Know I Shouldn’t Judge, But My God, You’re Just So Stupid
  19. All That Glitters is Not Gold: But It Might Be, So You’d Better Pursue It Just in Case

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