Earth’s Tourism Board Presents: Reasons for Visiting Earth

July 29th, 2022 |

1. We’re a Class M planet. Always had oxygen. Always will. I’m looking at you Venus.

2. We pick up our garbage once a week and then bury it. Try getting that done on Neptune.

3. All our rings can fit on a finger. Listening Saturn

4. All our belts are custom fit. Take that Asteroid Belt.

4.5 We’ve dealt with our little “reptile problem.”

5. We’ve got Beatle music, 7-Layer dips and Steve Martin.

6. Almost all our steel is stainless – you couldn’t stain it even if you wanted to.

7. Our pajamas…Flame retardant. Light my fire baby, but not my PJ’s

8. Our people…Not so retardant proof, but we make up for it with 31 flavors of ice cream

9. We reproduce the fun way. None of this dainty dropping of seeds or gentle releasing of spores.

10. We have Mr. Pibb…and we’re working on a Mrs. Pibb if that lazy Dr. Pepper ever gets off his bubbly ass to help.

11. No one on Earth ever pays MSRP, so it’s fun to tell everybody about the screaming deal you got.

12. And finally and most importantly, the truth doesn’t require your approval.

Posted in Ditties |

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