Posts Tagged ‘tourism’
Earth’s Tourism Board Presents: Reasons for Visiting Earth
July 29th, 2022 | 
Author: 1. We’re a Class M planet. Always had oxygen. Always will. I’m looking at you Venus.
2. We pick up our garbage once a week and then bury it. Try getting that done on Neptune.
3. All our rings can fit on a finger. Listening Saturn
4. All our belts are custom fit. Take that Asteroid Belt.
4.5 We’ve dealt with our little “reptile problem.”
5. We’ve got Beatle music, 7-Layer dips and Steve Martin.
6. Almost all our steel is stainless – you couldn’t stain it even if you wanted to.
7. Our pajamas…Flame retardant. Light my fire baby, but not my PJ’s
8. Our people…Not so retardant proof, but we make up for it with 31 flavors of ice cream
9. We reproduce the fun way. None of this dainty dropping of seeds or gentle releasing of spores.
10. We have Mr. Pibb…and we’re working on a Mrs. Pibb if that lazy Dr. Pepper ever gets off his bubbly ass to help.
11. No one on Earth ever pays MSRP, so it’s fun to tell everybody about the screaming deal you got.
12. And finally and most importantly, the truth doesn’t require your approval.
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Rejected State Tourism Brochures
Every state endeavors to generate tourism dollars through ambitious marketing programs. But sometimes these promotions miss the mark. Witness these botched attempts at stimulating tourism through well-intentioned, but ultimately misguided brochures:
- Colorado: Thanks to Recently Enacted Marijuana Laws Denver is Now the 2-Mile High City
If you’re a generic tourist going nowhere in particular, you might like this nondescript and vacuous travel guide. Meanwhile But if you want to go some place check out these travel brochures some states probably wish they never created in the first place.
- New Mexico: The Land of Entrapment
- New Mexico: Come for the Radiation. Stay for the ‘Shrooms
- Maryland: We’re Trying. Really. Please Don’t Judge Us by Baltimore
- Wyoming: Live Rectangular or Die
- Florida: America’s Dangling Body Part
- Michigan: Good Mitten, Bad Mitten
- California: The Land of Fruits & Nuts
- California: Ignoring Sexual Harassment from 1850 until 2017
- Delaware: We’re Anti-paranoid. We think everyone is trying to ignore us.
- Arkansas: Our “kansas” isn’t pronounced like Kansas’s “Kansas”
- New Jersey: America’s Lymph System Since 1940
- Alaska: Our Most Northern, Western and Eastern State – Google It
- Indiana: Who’s yer state?
- Washington: Home to Boing, Tinysoft and Barstucks
- Mississippi: “When yer standin’ on yer head, we’re number 1 in everything!”
- Mississippi: Still leading the nation in outhouses per capita
- Mississippi: More Potable Water than Ethiopia and Way More Paved Roads than Bangladesh
- Mississippi: Separate and Equal Drinking Fountains for Each and Every Minority
- Connecticut: “Even we don’t know why there’s a second ‘c’ in our name and we live here”
- Illinois: Land of Lincoln, Air of Jersey, Water of Flint
- Alabama: Thank God We’ve Got College Football
- Louisiana: “Have you visited us lately? We’re barely part of the United States.”
- Texas: Too Big to fail. We’re just underachieving instead.
- Texas: At Least We’ve Got Austin
- Oklahoma: Unchanged since 1907
- Oklahoma: Unchanged since the Big Bang
- Oklahoma: Come and Watch Time Stand Still
- Oklahoma: We have a city named Enid – need we say more?
- Missouri: The Blow Me State
- Wisconsin: We’ve Lost Our Minds, Come Find Yours
- Wisconsin: “I don’t care how inefficient they are; can we please go back to the one kind of regular screw in light bulb?”…and other pleas against modernity in the lighting industry.
- Kansas: What Wisconsin Said