Rejected State Tourism Brochures

Every state endeavors to generate tourism dollars through ambitious marketing programs. But sometimes these promotions miss the mark. Witness these botched attempts at stimulating tourism through well-intentioned, but ultimately misguided brochures:

  1. Colorado: Thanks to Recently Enacted Marijuana Laws Denver is Now the 2-Mile High City

    If you’re a generic tourist going nowhere in particular, you might like this nondescript and vacuous travel guide. Meanwhile But if you want to go some place check out these travel brochures some states probably wish they never created in the first place.

  2. New Mexico: The Land of Entrapment
  3. New Mexico: Come for the Radiation. Stay for the ‘Shrooms
  4. Maryland: We’re Trying. Really. Please Don’t Judge Us by Baltimore
  5. Wyoming: Live Rectangular or Die
  6. Florida: America’s Dangling Body Part
  7. Michigan: Good Mitten, Bad Mitten
  8. California: The Land of Fruits & Nuts
  9. California: Ignoring Sexual Harassment from 1850 until 2017
  10. Delaware: We’re Anti-paranoid. We think everyone is trying to ignore us.
  11. Arkansas: Our “kansas” isn’t pronounced like Kansas’s “Kansas”
  12. New Jersey: America’s Lymph System Since 1940
  13. Alaska: Our Most Northern, Western and Eastern State – Google It
  14. Indiana: Who’s yer state?
  15. Washington: Home to Boing, Tinysoft and Barstucks
  16. Mississippi: “When yer standin’ on yer head, we’re number 1 in everything!”
  17. Mississippi: Still leading the nation in outhouses per capita
  18. Mississippi: More Potable Water than Ethiopia and Way More Paved Roads than Bangladesh
  19. Mississippi: Separate and Equal Drinking Fountains for Each and Every Minority
  20. Connecticut: “Even we don’t know why there’s a second ‘c’ in our name and we live here”
  21. Illinois: Land of Lincoln, Air of Jersey, Water of Flint
  22. Alabama: Thank God We’ve Got College Football
  23. Louisiana: “Have you visited us lately? We’re barely part of the United States.”
  24. Texas: Too Big to fail. We’re just underachieving instead.
  25. Texas: At Least We’ve Got Austin
  26. Oklahoma: Unchanged since 1907
  27. Oklahoma: Unchanged since the Big Bang
  28. Oklahoma: Come and Watch Time Stand Still
  29. Oklahoma: We have a city named Enid – need we say more?
  30. Missouri: The Blow Me State
  31. Wisconsin: We’ve Lost Our Minds, Come Find Yours
  32. Wisconsin: “I don’t care how inefficient they are; can we please go back to the one kind of regular screw in light bulb?”…and other pleas against modernity in the lighting industry.
  33. Kansas: What Wisconsin Said

 

  1. Nebraska: Flatter than Gwyneth Paltrow
  2. Montana: Too Big to…Just Plain too Big
  3. Idaho: No. You da hoe.
  4. Oregon: We have 2 time zones. 3 If You Count the Backwardness in Some of Our Rural Areas.
  5. Utah: Home of 14 Brides for 7 Brothers
  6. Arizona: Phoenix is Sometimes 120°. Warm Globally, Fry Locally
  7. Arizona: We Were the 48th and Last State in 1912. The Stars on Our Nation’s Flag Were a Perfect Geometric Arrangement of 8 X 6 until Till 1959. Thanks for Nothing Alaska & Hawaii.
  8. Nevada: Home of Legalized Prostitution…and that’s just the politicians.
  9. Ohio: First in Industry 1800-1973. First in Unemployment 1974-Present.
  10. Ohio: Only State to Get 3 Syllables Out of 4 Letters…Oh wait, Damn You Iowa
  11. Ohio: We Still Don’t Know What’s Good for Us
  12. Rhode Island: Neither a Road nor an Island…Discuss [Title courtesy of Mike Myers]
  13. Massachusetts: Come Visit One of Our 16,321 Colleges
  14. Maine: The Only State in the Union Consisting of One Syllable. Take That Massachusetts
  15. New Hampshire: First Presidential Primary in the Nation. We’re only doing it for the attention.
  16. New York: Significant Shrinkage, but Still the Empire State
  17. Virginia: The Biggest and Most Important State…if it was 1790
  18. Pennsylvania: Founded by William Penn. In a Sylvan (meaning “trees”) area. Penn + sylvan =? You do the math.
  19. Pennsylvania: Birthplace of Quaker Oats
  20. West Virginia: Welcome to the Mississippi of the North
  21. South Carolina: “Naw. Really? You mean we lost the Civil War?”
  22. The Dakotas: 2 states worthy of only one brochure. If not for Mt. Rushmore there’d be no brochure.
  23. The Dakotas: Welcome Frackers
  24. North Carolina: Now Featuring 3 Bathroom Choices. One for each Groin.
  25. Georgia: “So you’re telling me that slavery was actually abolished. Are you sure?”
  26. Iowa: Corn Strong
  27. Vermont: Mess with Us and It’s No More Maple Syrup for You
  28. Minnesota: “Eh, we’re like a Canadian province, don’t ya know.”
  29. Wisconsin: Somebody Had to be Wisconsin and We’re It
  30. Tennessee: Country Strong…and Western Too
  31. Kentucky: Almost Sounds Like a Swear Word
  32. Hawaii: Only State with 3 consecutive vowels…except for Louisiana, which is barely a part of the United States anyway

 

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