Well it’s that time of year again. No, not Amnesia Awareness Month, but Girl Scout Cookies Extortion Month, where citizens leaving grocery stores and banks are guilted into purchasing enough high-fructose cookies to power an aircraft carrier. There are some new varieties this year and I thought I’d highlight them for you:

1. Binge Mints
2. Heimlich Chokies
3. Nutty Doofuses
4. Transgendered Something er Others
5. WMDs (Wafers of Mass Delight)
6. Vegan Flytraps
7. Lemon Nothings
8. Extra-Gluten Peanut Clusters w/Benadryl
9. Fracture Snaps
10. Pralines ‘n Lint
11. Snickernipples
12. Whoopsie Daisies
13. LGBTs (Loganberry Treats)
14. Toucan Sandies
15. Three Can Ednas
16. Buttered Goobledygooks
17. Sugar-free Why Bothers
18. Upside-Down Right-Side-Ups
19. Powdered Snowglobes
20. Goiter Drops
21. Tagalogs (Available in Philippines only)
22. Forget-me-nuts
23. Double Stuff Oreogasms  (Women may have as many as they’d like, but men must wait at least 1 hour between cookies.)
24. Esophageal Conundrums
25. Silicon Wafers
26. Isaac Newtons

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