Posts Tagged ‘girl’

Girl Scouts of America’s proposed new logo.

Girl Scouts of America (GSA) have taken what was traditionally a little charitable bake sale and transformed it into a sophisticated glucose delivery system. Frantic sales scenes like the following have been reported all across America as a kind of cookie-mania has swept over our nations medical marijuana dispensaries.

Near the entrance to Pot Shots in Portland, OR, 9-year old Becky Galvin was all dressed up in her freshly pressed Girl Scout uniform when she looked up at red-eyed Eddie Miller and observed, “You look like you could use a box of my Thin Mints.”

“How much for a box,” blurted-out a fidgety Mr. Miller?

A match made in marketing heaven.

“Five dollars sir,” politely answered Becky.

“I’ll take 20.” Mr. Miller quickly tossed a C-note on the portable plastic table Mrs. Galvin had purchased recently at Costco and in the span of 2 minutes, 19 boxes were loaded into the meshed netting of his 2008 Honda Element. He reserved one box for his personal use in the front seat.

“This box’ll be empty before I ever get home,” Mr. Miller remarked before mistakenly wishing Becky good luck on her new religion.    Read the rest of this entry »

Well it’s that time of year again. No, not Amnesia Awareness Month, but Girl Scout Cookies Extortion Month, where citizens leaving grocery stores and banks are guilted into purchasing enough high-fructose cookies to power an aircraft carrier. There are some new varieties this year and I thought I’d highlight them for you:

1. Binge Mints
2. Heimlich Chokies
3. Nutty Doofuses
4. Transgendered Something er Others
5. WMDs (Wafers of Mass Delight)
6. Vegan Flytraps
7. Lemon Nothings
8. Extra-Gluten Peanut Clusters w/Benadryl
9. Fracture Snaps
10. Pralines ‘n Lint
11. Snickernipples
12. Whoopsie Daisies
13. LGBTs (Loganberry Treats)
14. Toucan Sandies
15. Three Can Ednas
16. Buttered Goobledygooks
17. Sugar-free Why Bothers
18. Upside-Down Right-Side-Ups
19. Powdered Snowglobes
20. Goiter Drops
21. Tagalogs (Available in Philippines only)
22. Forget-me-nuts
23. Double Stuff Oreogasms  (Women may have as many as they’d like, but men must wait at least 1 hour between cookies.)
24. Esophageal Conundrums
25. Silicon Wafers
26. Isaac Newtons