Posts Tagged ‘marijuana’

Girl Scout Cookie Sales Triple as Scouts Target Medical Marijuana Dispensaries

Girl Scouts of America’s proposed new logo.

Girl Scouts of America (GSA) have taken what was traditionally a little charitable bake sale and transformed it into a sophisticated glucose delivery system. Frantic sales scenes like the following have been reported all across America as a kind of cookie-mania has swept over our nations medical marijuana dispensaries.

 

Near the entrance to Pot Shots in Portland, OR, 9-year old Becky Galvin was all dressed up in her freshly pressed Girl Scout uniform when she looked up at red-eyed Eddie Miller and observed, “You look like you could use a box of my Thin Mints.”

“How much for a box,” blurted-out a fidgety Mr. Miller?

A match made in marketing heaven.

“Five dollars sir,” politely answered Becky.

“I’ll take 20.” Mr. Miller quickly tossed a C-note on the portable plastic table Mrs. Galvin had purchased recently at Costco and in the span of 2 minutes, 19 boxes were loaded into the meshed netting of his 2008 Honda Element. He reserved one box for his personal use in the front seat.

“This box’ll be empty before I ever get home,” Mr. Miller remarked before mistakenly wishing Becky good luck on her new religion.    Read the rest of this entry »

Hardiman Reviews Designer Marijuana

Today’s thermonuclear pot pellets will take the top of your head off if you’re not careful. So be careful. Here’s how.

Reefer madness is back in a big and legal way and agribusiness (or the Agri-ceutical Business as I call it) is scrambling to expand their market share by creating more designer strains of weed than you can shake a ganja stick at. In appealing to recreational users in underserved niches growers have formulated some highly customized experiences bordering on the absurd. Accordingly, this sincere satirization of those formulations also borders on the absurd and is in keeping with the general weirdness of marijana experiences to begin with. So even though this is a work of fiction, it’s never too far from reality.

My purported purpose (yes – a purported purpose) in writing this piece is to help the uninitiated select a designer pot that’s right for them. Having said that (I love to say that), my real purpose is to generate the knowing smirk we all exhibit when we become momentarily free from years of accumulated struggles. For some it takes the power of an NDE (Near Death Experience) to convince us that all is not as it seems. But usually this knowing smirk is generated more prosaically.

For example sometimes this kind of liberating interruption visits us when we’re right in the middle of doing something very human – as in this case, optimizing our reefer choices. Perhaps your knowing smirk may appear between sentences, or maybe as you look away from the words and all your pretense vanishes. It may not come at all even though you know it’s there. Sometimes you just can’t get there until you’ve plowed through enough of life’s buffeting experiences and finally surrender into, “Alright. Enough already. I get it.” And then we may get that window on the marvel behind all creation – and this isn’t the pot talking either.

I’m holding out for a lot here, and the medium I’ve chosen (a silly faux review of designer pot) is perhaps not the most direct route to this level of self-awareness, however rest assured, whether you feel it or not, it’s all happening anyway – is this coming through? Alright I’ll get on with it. Read the rest of this entry »