Posts Tagged ‘medical’
- Longness of Breath – Why get caught short?
- Acute Baby – It’s better than an ugly one
- Vowel Movement – Grammarians recommend 2 to 3 compacted vowel movements a day
- Chronic Consonant Crowding – To be found in the word shrimp or shrank: 6 letters, 5 consonants 83.3% consonant compliant. Also found in the word catchphrase which has a whopping 6 consecutive consonants – take that syzygy.
- Pancreatic Fondling – Who doesn’t? Y’know, when you’re alone and no one’s watching
- Spinal Men-in Black – Greatly preferred over Spinal Meningitis
- Medium Pox – Get the Pox size that’s right for you!
- Atrial Fluffernutter – A disease that’s close to my heart
- Myocardial Infantilism – I don’t even know what I’m talking about here I just like to say “Myocardial Infantilism.”
- Stereo-nucleosis – Again, it’s greatly preferred over Mono-nucleosis
- Mono-Poly – A great way to mispronounce Monopoly. Mono-Poly: where the accent’s on fun.
- Fractured Fairy Tales – Broke my heart to read them
- One Toke Over the Lyme…disease – When life gives you limes, you make limeade?
- Help! I’m Coming Apart at the Seams – Well then, you probably need a good screwing.
- Ack Knee – Greatly preferred to acne
- Dry Hump – Starts around puberty
- Lymph Penis Syndrome – Starts around Social Security
- Freudian Dandruff – A syndrome suffered by flakes
- Freudian Girdle – Sorry, another Freudian reference – I must be slipping.
- Chronic Freudian Reference Syndrome – A unique disorder manifested by writer’s with supreme intellijence.
- Detached Attitude – Could care less about this condition
- Arrested Leg Syndrome – Gotta walk the line otherwise you get the boot
- Hepa-tight-ass – When you can’t tip more than 15%
- Foot in Mouth Disease – When you tell the truth by accident
- Writers’ Gaffe – When you tell the truth by accident
Girl Scouts of America (GSA) have taken what was traditionally a little charitable bake sale and transformed it into a sophisticated glucose delivery system. Frantic sales scenes like the following have been reported all across America as a kind of cookie-mania has swept over our nations medical marijuana dispensaries.
Near the entrance to Pot Shots in Portland, OR, 9-year old Becky Galvin was all dressed up in her freshly pressed Girl Scout uniform when she looked up at red-eyed Eddie Miller and observed, “You look like you could use a box of my Thin Mints.”
“How much for a box,” blurted-out a fidgety Mr. Miller?
“Five dollars sir,” politely answered Becky.
“I’ll take 20.” Mr. Miller quickly tossed a C-note on the portable plastic table Mrs. Galvin had purchased recently at Costco and in the span of 2 minutes, 19 boxes were loaded into the meshed netting of his 2008 Honda Element. He reserved one box for his personal use in the front seat.
“This box’ll be empty before I ever get home,” Mr. Miller remarked before mistakenly wishing Becky good luck on her new religion. Read the rest of this entry »